


Stardust

by Piper_Emerald



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Alternate Universe - Fantasy, Connor is a star, Evan is the hero, F/F, Jared is just here to steal spotlight, M/M, Tree Bros, a little bit of galaxy gals, based on the book/movie, but I made a lot of plot changes, but on the whole this one is probably less triggering than any of the other stuff I've written here, the rating is only mature because there may or may not be a sex scene later in the fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-17
Updated: 2017-09-24
Packaged: 2018-12-16 11:19:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 18
Words: 41,216
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11827653
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Piper_Emerald/pseuds/Piper_Emerald
Summary: Evan Hansen grew up listening to fairytales, and wishing his life could be fixed by magic and adventure. It’s only when his mother falls ill, that Evan is forced to leave his small village in the hopes that he will find the one person who can cure her.Instead a turn of events leads him to Connor, an annoyed fallen star who just might be Evan’s only chance.Neither realize the trouble with fairytales is there are always monsters in the shadows.





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Corliss_Rose](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Corliss_Rose/gifts).



Evan Hansen had always believed in fairytales. His mother had raised him on stories of magic, in the hopes that it would serve as the light at the end of his tunnel. The world wasn’t always the nicest place to live in, so Evan chose to think that it could be as fantastic and mystical as the stories he read in books.

It helped that he knew for a fact that magic was real.

Only a little bit outside of Evan’s village, stood a stone wall. The Wall had always been there, and stretched farther than anyone who lived in the village had ever traveled. Ever since Evan was a boy, he’d heard the rumors that it wasn’t simply concealing the dangerous wild land but another world altogether.

Evan took each story at face value, and it was only when he was nearing thirteen and being teased by the other village boys that Evan began to doubt that his faith in magic was well placed. At dinner that night he asked his mother in a small voice if she actually knew that there was another world behind the wall, her answer surprised him.

“Do you remember five years ago when your father left?” she had asked him.

He had nodded in response.

They used the word ‘left’ because it was easier than ‘abandoned,’ but didn’t have the forgiving implication of ‘disappear.’ Evan’s father had never told him why he wanted to go away, but very earlier on his mother had made sure Evan blamed it only on the man and not himself or her.

“You probably don’t remember what happened right after,” her voice held a small degree of pain, that Evan knew had been distanced but not entirely healed with time.

She then explained to him how, for the months directly after his father leaving them, they’d been very poor. She hadn’t been able to get a job in such short notice, and without the income they had no money for food.

“I was going to sell the house,” she admitted. “But I wanted to try something first.”

Evan felt astonishment consume him as his mother explained to him that, one night, when he was safely tucked in bed, she had crossed the Wall alone.

“But no one crosses the Wall,” Evan gaped.

“I know,” she smiled at him.

She had hoped that maybe the rumors were true, and she could find something magical and of value to bring back to the village and sell. The adventure hadn’t exactly gone to plan. After walking a mile and fearing that she’d have to turn back empty handed, she’s stumbled upon a market. It was midnight, but shops and stalls were illuminated by candle light. Having no money, she devised a plan to steal from one of the jewelry carts and run back to the Wall as fast as she could.

“Did you get caught?” Evan questioned with wide eyes.

“No,” she said thoughtfully. “But I was stopped.”

She then told him about the most interesting child she’d ever laid her eyes on. Apparently, the girl had been watching her since she arrived in the market. So when she attempted to snatch a golden necklace, the girl stopped her hand firmly.

“I was shocked,” she said with a laugh. “She had to have been a year younger than you were.”

“And she told the jewelry seller?” Evan asked.

“She didn’t,” his mother shook her head. “But she asked me why I’d want to steal a necklace in the first place. So I told her about your father and you and how I really wouldn’t have even thought about stealing if there were any other options.”

Only after hearing the story had the girl introduced herself. She declared that her name was Zoe and she was a kidnapped princess. She showed a silver chain that was fastened around her ankle and led into the forest. As any mother would, Heidi tried cut to the chain. Unfortunately, as soon as her knife split the medal, it reconnected. Leaving a few inches of broken chain in Heidi’s hand and Zoe no more free than she had been seconds ago.

“She didn’t think it would work,” a sad look crossed over Evan’s mother’s eyes. “But she thanked me for trying. I told her I could try harder, but she said that she didn’t want my son to have to grow up without a mother because of her.”

“So you left her?” Evan didn’t like the idea of the princess still being enslaved.

“I promised I would come back someday,” his mother said thoughtfully. “Come, I have something to show you.”

Evan followed his mother into their attic where she took a handkerchief off of a shelve. She handed it to Evan. When he delicately unfolded it he found a small strand of mettle chain and a glass flower.

“Zoe said I could keep the chain and to give the flower to you if I ever thought you needed protecting.” She gently ran her hand over his hair. “She also gave me a small jewel that she said she’d been saving.”

Heidi had sold the jewel and used it to pay for their food until she was able to obtain a stable job.

“Magic is real, Evan,” she told him in a firm voice.

“Are you going to save her?” Evan asked softly.

“I hope I can someday,” his mother said gravely.

“And if you can’t?” Evan wanted the girl to be helped, but he didn’t want his mother crossing back into a world full of the danger of the unknown.

“Then maybe it’ll be your adventure.”

Whenever Evan felt weighed down by the ordinary world, he asked his mother to retell him this story. Each time she pressed the glass flower into his hands, and promised that, no matter how wonderful or terrible, the other world existed.

Now that Evan was eighteen, he still believed every word and refused to leave the fairytale behind.

* * *

Connor didn’t care much for fairytales. Watching the adventures of stupid mortals wouldn’t change that he was alone in a sky full of stars.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This existing is all I need to prove my nerd status.


	2. Chapter One

If Evan’s life was like one of the fairytales he read over and over, he could be convinced that someone had laid a curse on his family.

Sometimes he let himself wonder if on the night he was born a sorceress had visited their house and decided that he deserved a terrible fate. Inside of Evan’s chest she had planted the seeds of what his mother called anxiety and everyone else in the village called so many awful things. She’d then stung cowardliness into Evan’s father, making his destined to walk away from them. Lastly Evan’s mother had been struck by—

Well, at first they’d both thought it was nothing.

She hadn’t been feeling well for a few days. That was alright, now that Evan was of age she had to work less and less while Evan struggled to hold a decently paying job and take care of the both of them. They’d thought she just had a passing illness, and with some rest she’d be able to pull through. If there was a curse on their family, constantly being wrong about dangerous matters had to be part of it.

By the time she finally let Evan send for the doctor, he expected it to be bad. He didn’t expect to be told that she may only have a week left.

If there was a curse on their family, Evan would seek out the sorceress and slay her. Then his mother would be cured and he’d stop having panic attacks about things everyone else called stupid, and they’d be alright.

But there wasn’t a curse. There was nothing he could do.

“The doctor said he might be wrong,” Evan reminded his mother as he crouched at her bedside.

“I know,” she didn’t believe those words for a second and neither did Evan. “I’ve saved some money. It was supposed to be for when you got married, but when I—”

“You’re not going to die,” Evan’s voice was shaking.

“I don’t want to leave you,” her voice was so much calmer than it should have been. “But I’m happy with the life I’ve lived.”

“I need some air,” Evan stood up. He needed to not be in her presence when he broke down. She was being strong for him, but asking her to do that wasn’t fair. “You need to take your medicine in an hour.”

“I know,” her eyes held worry. She always worried for him and never for herself.

Evan didn’t let himself run until he was out of the house.

* * *

Grief is a private thing. Evan Hansen fled into the night with the desire to be alone. He did not understand, that under the night sky was the least isolated place he could go. People like Evan Hansen didn’t understand that the stars they regarded as worlds away were not as divided from them as they might think.

Luckily for Evan, his sorrow wasn’t attracting any eyes tonight. Instead the attention of the stars that enjoyed gazing down at the world were pointed elsewhere. For Heidi wasn’t the only one dying.

A world away from Evan and his mother’s illness, the king of Stormhold was fully aware that he would soon be taking his final breath. Much like Evan, a young girl who did not want to face the weight of her king dying was not ready to accept the truth.

Alana Beck was not royalty. She’d come from a humble background, and been expected never to rise past her birth station. At the age of eleven, she’d taken a good look at the life around her and decided she could do much better.

She’d entered the palace as a servant at the age of thirteen. Knowing that she wouldn’t get very far if she was recognized as a woman, Alana had masked her gender for the next year. When she had been discovered (in a series of events she still regarded as unfair) her superiors had been furious. When she was hauled in front of the king and her deceit explained, she did not expect to be fired, she expected to be executed.

Instead of being angry, the king had laughed and told her that he thought her actions were very brave if not a little thoughtless. Unable to control her mouth, she’d quickly told him that she wasn’t acting thoughtlessly and spilled how intricately she had devised her plan. Four years later, Alana liked to look back on that day and the look of shock on the faces of everyone who had doubted her when the king announced that he wanted her to be trained to be one of his advisors.

The whole kingdom knew that the king had lost his wife and daughter years ago, and Alana learned that some of the compassion she’d received came from how deeply routed his grief still was. He still thought about them, even though very few knew this. Alana was pretty sure she was the only one who’d ever heard him talk about his daughter, and that was only because at times Alana reminded him of the girl.

Tonight he told her this again. Alana’s training was far from complete, but she was the person he trusted the most. He explained to her that not long ago a sorceress had promised him that his daughter had not died the night that she was taken from him, and that the only way for him to find her was to sacrifice himself to her search.

“I don’t understand,” Alana told him.

He explained that the illness he was suffering from had not been contracted recently. He’d been suffering from it for years, but had been kept alive by a jewel that hung around his neck. The jewel had been given to him by his queen when they were young and thought that life would be kinder to the both of them.

Now the magic was fading, and he had a choice. He could either live for a few more years and slowly diminish, or send the jewel into the world and let it find the kingdom’s rightful heir.

“And then you die,” Alana didn’t like magic but she knew how it worked.

“I expect it will give me a few days,” his voice held no certainty. “In that time I can settle my affairs.”

“And the jewel will find your daughter and bring her back?” she asked skeptically.

“No,” he shook his head.

His late wife inscribed the jewel with the power to find her child should she ever loose her. However, it did not give it’s possessor the power to follow. That was why Alana was needed. If she could track down the girl and the jewel, than the child would be saved and the kingdom would have it’s heir.

“And if I fail?” she questioned.

“You won’t,” he seemed so much more sure than she was.

She watched King Larry lift the necklace he’d always worn off his neck. He held it out to the window. Alana’s eyes widened slightly when it flew from his hands and out into the night sky. She tried to train her gaze on the gem, but it flew too quickly. For a moment, it looked like it hadn’t gone out into the kingdom, but into the sky itself. She’d have to find it on her own.

“I’ll leave tonight,” she stood.

“Thank you,” he stated.

She nodded and bowed, knowing in the back of her mind that the next time she did this it would be to a different ruler.

* * *

Evan let his feet drag as he walked the lengths of the Wall. He had hoped that being this far from the village would help some, but he’d learned at a young age that his problems weren’t escapable. Part of him wanted to run. He could cross the wall like his mother once had and find a magical solution to everything.

Only he wasn’t his mother. He wasn’t brave, or resourceful, or smart. He was a waste of space. His mother had spent so much of herself taking care of him, worrying about him because he couldn’t do anything for himself.

No wonder she was sick. No wonder he was losing her. He didn’t deserve her. He didn’t deserve anything.

Evan stopped at the opening of the Wall. It wasn’t large, just big enough for one person to walk through. If he wanted to—if he had the tenacity to—he could dart through the hole. He could run until he figured his footing. He could do something.

For a moment, Evan actually considered this. He was stopped short by a small bundle lodged a the bottom of the opening. Slowly, he picked it up. The cloth wrapping around it was softer than it looked. Everything about this was too enticing. Evan would have dropped it and ran back to his house (that was the sort of coward he really was) but then his eyes caught the warn paper attached.

“Heidi Hansen” was scrawled across it in large letters.

Evan didn’t like to hold false hopes, but maybe this was the cure to their curse. He stumbled backwards. He needed to get home now. He needed to show the bundle to his mother. He needed her to open it.

A blend of adrenaline and fear bottled inside of him, and lifted his gaze to the sky. Were he not looking at precisely that moment, everything else would have fallen out differently. Evan’s eyes didn’t take in a still night sky. He looked up just in time to latch onto the sight of a shooting star.

Evan froze, as the watched the light streak across the sky. He’d never seen a star fall before. He remembered as a child he’d wanted to so he could make a wish on it. Right now his mind was too jumbled to form coherent thoughts.

The star was getting closer. Evan had always thought that falling stars still stayed in the sky. They gave the illusion of falling to earth by simply moving out of whoever was observing it’s sight. But this star was getting closer.

Evan felt like he should run. He felt like he was about to be hit by a piece of space rock, but instead it soared past him. It must have landed somewhere in the world beyond the wall.

Clutching the bundle to his chest, Evan pushed thoughts of the star away. He had something real to worry about.

* * *

While it might have felt like Evan Hansen was the only one who could see the star falling, he wasn't alone in watching the night. Something else was there, and it didn’t brush what it saw.

* * *

Connor was just minding his own fucking business.

One second everything was exactly as it always had been. He was alone in the sky aimlessly scanning the world below him for something slightly interesting to observe. He hadn’t been able to see what hurtled into him.

There was just a blinding light and then he was falling. In a split second he watched everything he knew blur away in a jumbled rush. It was confusing and terrifying and maybe a little bit exhilarating.

Hitting the ground wasn’t what hurt. As Connor tried to pull himself up, he could feel his body being crushed by the weight of his surroundings.

He was sitting in the middle of a fucking crater and had no way to get home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alana's arc is probably gonna be the biggest stray away from the original, since it's kinda impossible to do the stuff with the princes but I still wanted to have something to that equivalent. Also I only called Larry by name once because I want it to be clear he's the king but I can't take the title "King Larry" seriously for some reason.


	3. Chapter Two

“Where did you find this?” Evan’s mother held the paper attached the the bundle in her hands. Evan watched her unfold it, her eyes glazing back and forth over what was written there.

“By the Wall,” Evan told her. “Right in the middle of the Wall, actually.”

He expected her to question why he’d walked there in the first place. It was late and he shouldn’t have gone that far from the house. Instead she just nodded and passed the paper to him.

_Dear Heidi,_  
_You may not remember meeting me, or you may think back on it as a dream, but I remember it very well. When I was a child, you tried to save me, even though you needed saving yourself. I’m older now, and I want to return the sentiment._  
_I don’t trust that this won’t fall into the wrong hands, so I can’t tell you how, but I know you’re sick. I can help you, but I can’t come to you. I’m still stuck the way I was back when I was six years old. But I can save you._  
_I’m not exactly the most skilled, but I can make a potion that should be almost as effective as feeling the light of a star. I heard it said once that can heal any mortal illness._  
_The candle will get you to where I am. You just need to think about me when you light it. If you’re too weak to come, send your son and I can give the medicine to him. Please let me do this, if not for yourself then for me. I couldn’t save my own mother, and I don’t think I can handle you dying too._  
_Zoe_

“I’ll go,” Evan decided. “You can’t travel right now.”

“It’s dangerous,” his mother started.

“You said that saving her could be my adventure,” Evan reminded her. “Now I can save both of you.”

“I told you that when you were a child,” concern clouded her eyes. “It was a bedtime story.”

“I’m not a child anymore,” Evan said firmly. “I can take care of myself.”

“If you get hurt, I’ll never forgive myself,” she whispered.

“If you die, _I'll_ never forgive myself,” he said back.

She closed her eyes. Evan hated seeing her like this. He hated that pain always found her. He just wanted the both of them to be happy and safe, but that was never going to happen. If he couldn’t find safety in a tiny village then why did it matter if he rushed into a world of danger. He was used to it.

“You’ll do it whether I want you to or not,” she understood.

“Yeah,” Evan’s throat felt dry.

He was going to be the strong one for once in his life.

“Take the flower and a chain with you,” she instructed. “Zoe won’t recognize you.”

“Right.” Evan quickly left the room to grab the two items.

Before coming back to his mother’s room, he stopped in the attic. His father hadn’t left many things behind, and neither of them wanted to see what he didn’t think was worth bringing. Selling it felt weird, so they’d packed the handful of clothes and random items into a box and left it. For the first time since he was eight, Evan opened the box.

He riffled through over worn shirts before his fingers wound the old knife his father used to use for hunting. It wasn’t much of a weapon, and Evan honestly had no clue how to handle it, but it was better than nothing.

When he returned to his mother, he saw her eyes flicker to where he'd tucked the knife into his belt. She didn’t say anything. He was grateful.

“She said you just need to think about her,” his mother’s voice wasn’t steady.

“Yeah,” Evan nodded. “I can do that.”

He could. He’d never met Zoe, but since he was thirteen he’d though of her constantly. In his mind, she was everything worth fighting for. She was someone who needed to be rescued, but had stopped to rescue someone else instead. He owed her, and even if he didn’t he’d still want to meet her. In a village full of people who thought that he was crazy, the thought of this girl kept him grounded.

“Maybe you should wait until sunrise,” his mother started.

“And loose a day?” Evan asked. He knew time was something they didn’t have.

“Please be careful,” she whispered.

“I will,” he took her hands in his.

“I love you,” she had tears in her eyes.

“I love you too.” Part of him wanted to listen to her. Part of him could feel a sense of fear rising, and knew that this might be the last time they saw each other. But that was why he had to do this. “Do you have a match?”

She nodded, producing a box from her night stand. He watched her light it. Evan picked up the candle. He tried to keep his breath steady. He tried to look like he wasn’t afraid.

“Are you ready?” She asked him.

“I don’t know,” he admitted. “What is it going to do?”

“I don’t know,” she echoed him.

“Right,” he sucked in a breath. “Light it.”

The second the fire made contact with the wick of the candle, Evan felt a jolt run through him. Everything was bright. He was being consumed by light, the light was flowing through him.

He needed to think about Zoe. He needed to think about her, and how she was going to save his mother, and how he was going to find a way to save her, and how they were all going to be alright again.

Zoe. Nothing else. The light wasn’t there. The fear wasn’t there. Everything was just Zoe.

Only it wasn’t. Only Evan felt like he was falling, and how on earth had he thought he could do this? He wasn’t a hero? He couldn’t even talk to his neighbors without stammering. He was nothing. He was going to fail, and in the end would it really matter? Did anyone actually give a damn about him and his mother?

He was lost. He was completely alone. He was just like that fallen star he'd watched less than an hour ago—helpless to stop what was going to happen to him.

The light stopped all at once. Suddenly he wasn’t falling through and unknown space, he was hurtling toward a very real ground. For a second he thought he could land on his feet, but the impact was jarring, and sent him scrambling forward until he collided with something.

He felt his head hit the ground. He let himself close his eyes for a moment. At least he could breath.

When he did open his eyes, his surroundings didn’t make sense. He wasn’t by the Wall, or in the middle of the woods his mother had described. He was sitting in the middle of a crater, and a foot away from him a boy who looked around his age was glaring at him. So that was what Evan had collided with.

“I’m sorry,” Evan quickly jumped to his feet, offering his hand to help the boy up. “I didn’t mean to knock you over, I couldn’t see. Or, well, I couldn’t control where I was going.”

“Clearly,” the glare didn’t soften when the boy took his hand and let Evan pull him to his feet.

“Sorry,” Evan mumbled again.

This wasn’t were he was supposed to be. The candle was supposed to take him to Zoe. He’d done what the letter said to. He’d thought about her and only her. The whole time he’d fought to block out everything thing else except—

“Oh God,” Evan sharply exhaled.

Except for a moment he’d thought about the star. He wad in the middle of a crater, because he’d thought about the star.

Now was probably the best time to start freaking out. He was somewhere on the other side of the Wall, alone, and with no way to find Zoe. Half of the candle that was still pressed tightly into his palm was gone, and if he tried again and failed then how was he supposed to get back to his mother in time? If he couldn’t find Zoe, he couldn’t get the medicine, and that was the only thing that could possibly help her.

A tangent of the letter drifted back into Evan’s mind, steadying him. Zoe had said that the light of a star could heal any mortal illness.

“Excuse me,” Evan turn back to the boy. “Did you, um, you wouldn’t have happened to—”

“What?” The boy’s tone wasn’t amused.

“We’re in the middle of a crater,” Evan stated.

“I can see that,” the boy said slowly.

“This is where a star fell,” Evan stammered.

“Yes,” the boy’s gaze narrowed. “You’re surprised by this?”

“No,” Evan shook his head. “I mean, it fell here, so it can't be that far right?”

“What does it matter?”

“I need to find it,” Evan could hear how frantic his own voice sounded, but for once it didn’t matter. “Can you help me look? It has to be here.”

“Oh, it is,” the boy said coolly. He walked toward Evan and pointed to a spot of ground a few feet away from them. “But you’re wrong, he fell right there.”

“He?” Evan repeated.

“Last I checked, yeah,” a smirk crossed the boy’s face. “He fell there after being kicked out of the sky by this fucking necklace.”

Evan watched him gesture to the jewel hanging around his neck.

“That happened about there,” he boy pointed to the sky above them. “See that dark patch? Yeah, that’s where he’s supposed to be.”

“I don’t,” Evan blinked at him.

“And about here,” he boy took a few steps back, “was where he woke up and got knocked over again by a flying, fucking idiot.”

“You…” Evan was gaping.

That didn’t make sense, but maybe Evan had to set sense aside right now. Evan took in the boy’s light brown hair, slender frame, and fair skin. If it was possible for any person to be a star, this boy would be it. He was beautiful, but not in a way that drew attention. He didn’t look like the young men and women from Evan’s village who wore extravagant clothes and tied their hair into different styles. This boy was beautiful in a natural way.

“You're the star,” Evan stammered.

“Not what you expected, right?” The boy—the star—laughed.

“Not really,” Evan admitted. “I, um, I need you to come with me.”

“No thanks,” the star said dryly, sitting down again.

“I’m serious,” Evan tried to push authority into his voice. “I, um, I need your light.”

“That’s not creepy at all,” the star muttered.

“My mother’s sick,” Evan tried to explain. “But if I can take you to her, I think I can save her. I don’t know how it works, but I don’t think you need to stay there longer than it takes for her to get better.”

“No,” the star was glaring again. “I’m not going anywhere.”

“You’re just going to sit in the middle of a crater?” Evan questioned. “You can’t get back, right?”

“That’s not your fucking business,” the star snapped. “Leave me alone.”

“I can get you back,” Evan sputtered.

“No you can’t,” his tone was wary now but not completely dismissive.

Evan opened his palm. “If you light this and think of the sky—”

“You have a Babylon candle,” the star’s eyes widen.

“Yeah,” Evan guessed that was what it was called.

“So, what?” the star crossed his arms. “I go with you and you’ll give it to me.”

That meant Evan needed to get them back to the Wall on foot before the end of the week. He didn’t even know where they were. Sure, he hadn’t thought the star had fallen that far, but he was in the middle of a place he doubted he’d be able to navigate on his own. But what choice did he have?

“Yeah,” Evan said. “If you come with me, you can have the candle.”

“This is a trick,” the star shook his head. “How do I know you’re not going to kill me the second my back is turned?”

“Do I look like I’m going to kill you?” Evan had no idea where that accusation was coming from.

“No,” the star admitted. “But I’m not just going to trust you because you look innocent.”

Evan could feel the knife at his belt. He’d never fought anyone, but maybe if he tried he could over power this boy. But then what? Evan couldn’t get him to travel miles through threatening him. The candle was his only incentive. The other items he had on him was the glass flower pinned to the inside of his coat and the magic chain in his pocket.

The chain that his mother had not been able to free Zoe from. The chain that would probably make Evan far stronger than the stubborn, distrusting boy sitting in from of him. It was a low move, but Evan didn’t have any other options. He’d already offered up his only way back, and this was more important than appearing nice to the only chance he had.

“Please,” Evan tried.

The star scoffed.

“I’m sorry,” Evan stated before lunging forward.

He’d never done anything physically violent in his life. This was only because he’d learned how to be fast enough to avoid it. In a quick motion, he grabbed hold of the star’s wrist and fastened then change around it. As Evan expected, the chain cooperated, given him just enough time to secure it before he was being shoved into the ground.

“Get the fuck off me,” the star shouted. There was more than just anger in his voice.

“I’m not gonna hurt you,” Evan pulled himself back up. He wrapped the other end of the chain around his own wrist. “But I need you to come with me.”

“What is this?” the start pulled at the chain, but Evan knew it wasn’t going to do any good.

“It’s magic,” Evan stated. “We, um, need to start walking in the morning, but it would be smart to sleep now.”

“I’m not going with you,” the star shouted at him.

“You don’t have a choice.” Evan was more than a little impressed with himself. He didn’t know his own voice could have that much authority. “I’ll still give you the candle after, so you can still go home.”

“Fuck you.”

“That’s fair,” Evan muttered. He laid down on the dirt. “I was serious about sleeping.”

“I don’t sleep at night,” the star muttered, but laid down as well.

“Do you have a name?" Evan asked him.

“Yes.”

“Could you tell me it?” Evan could hear his voice slipping back to awkward.

“Are you going to force me to do that as well?” the star retorted.

Evan didn’t answer. They didn’t have to get along, Evan just needed to bring him back in time. He could do that. It was so much less romantic than finding Zoe and them saving his mother together. But he could come back for her. Right now being a hero didn’t matter, he just needed his mother to survive.

“My name’s Connor,” the star’s voice was softer now.

“I’m Evan Hansen,” he said back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hopefully this won't happen, but it's possible that I won't be able to post over the next few days. I'm in the process of moving and orientation week for my college, and I'm not sure if I'm gonna have time (or mental energy) at the end of each day to proof chapters. So if there is a couple days lag it in no way means I'm abandoning this story. By next week I'll be back to my usual schedule (if it has to change at all).  
> Thanks so much to everyone reading this!


	4. Chapter Three

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Had some time to edit this after my plane ride, so here we go!

Alana didn’t travel with an entourage, especially when she was trying to move in secret. She took her usual carriage and two horses, but left the servants that could have accompanied her on the journey behind. If the king could only trust her she wasn’t going to betray that by bringing others along. Besides, it was easier not to rely on other people.

Until her job at the palace, Alana hadn’t left her village. Over the years she had been on a few short journeys, but directing her own path was different. Finding something that she didn’t know how to look for was different.

She had used runes a number of times before, but never to predict anything of value. Part of her studies was learning how to interpret them in case they were ever needed for tactual purposes. But she wasn’t a fortune teller, and part of her was always going to be afraid that the stones were lying.

Still, she'd made it far enough from the palace that she could no longer see it behind her. She was alone with the fate of the entire kingdom resting on her shoulders. But if there was no one there to see her, did it matter if she admitted that she was terrified?

* * *

“I need a break,” Connor pulled at the chain connecting him and Evan.

Evan didn’t get annoyed at other people. He’d spent most of his life doubting that his opinion every mattered, and the rest of it avoiding having to talk to anyone at all. Evan was irritating, he didn’t get irritated. But if Connor said that one more time he was fairly certain he was going to go insane.

“We stopped less that an hour ago,” Evan reminded him. “We need to keep moving.”

“I’m tired,” Connor stated.

“You should have slept,” Evan said back.

He wasn’t used to arguing with people. Considering Connor had come from the sky, Evan doubted that he was either. If he was half as confident as he was pretending to be, he’d ask Connor how he’d gotten so good at arising vexation with so little practice.

“I don’t sleep at night,” Connor sounded exasperated.

“Oh,” Evan realized that him making Connor walk during the day would be the same as someone making him take a hike at three in the morning. “Sorry.”

“I’m going to pass out,” Connor complained.

“You’re not,” Evan stated.

“Please,” the arrogance was gone from his voice.

Evan was never going to know how to say no to people.

“Five minutes,” he allowed.

Connor immediately slumped against a tree.

Evan liked the forest. He wasn't sure how long they would be walking through it, he wasn’t sure if it was even the same forest by the Wall. Faintly he could see the stars enough to know that his navigation was right (if what he’d learned in his last years of school was anything to go off of). Connor had found him using the stars to find his way hilarious. Evan shook it off.

It was okay if Connor laughed at him. He was used to people laughing at him, and he was dragging Connor through a forest pretty much by force.

“So what was your back up plan?” Connor asked suddenly.

“What?” Evan turned to him.

“If you couldn’t find a fallen star what were you gonna do?” Connor questioned. His tone was dry, but his eyes looked fairly interested.

“My plan wasn’t to find you,” Evan stated, then winced at how it sounded. “I mean, I didn’t really have a plan. My mother got this note from a girl who lives here. I was supposed to go to her instead so she could make a medicine, but I, um, I guess I thought about you instead when I lit the candle, so, yeah.”

“So you thought might as well kidnap me?” Connor asked bitterly.

“If I try to find her and it doesn’t work I don’t have a back up plan,” Evan told him.

Connor seemed to take this in.

“What's her name?” He asked

“What?” Evan stammered.

“The girl,” Connor sighed. “Are you going to jump every fucking time I say something?”

“No,” Evan shook his head.

“You’re really skittish, you know?” Connor crossed his arms.

“Her name is Zoe,” Evan wasn’t sure why he was telling Connor this.

“And your mind wanders so much that you couldn’t just picture her face for a fee seconds?” Connor asked.

“I haven’t met her,” Evan stated.

“Seriously?” Connor blinked at him. “You realize you could have gotten so much more lost?”

“It doesn’t matter,” Evan brushed off. “It should have worked. I know how to think about her. I’ve practically known her since I was a kid.”

It would have worked if he wasn’t such a failure at everything.

“What does that even mean?” Connor’s voice didn’t sound mocking anymore. If anything, he seemed mildly curious.

“It’s an interesting story,” Evan let himself smile a little. “I'll tell you while we walk.”

“Give me another minute,” Connor whined.

“We don’t have another minute,” Evan extended a hand to help Connor to his feet.

Connor accepted the help, but didn’t soften his glare. Evan could deal with that. As they continued, Evan told Connor the story his mother had told him so many times over. It felt weird to be the one explaining it. He used her words, but added his own along the way. It was almost like he was reliving the first time he’d heard it.

“You’re in love with her,” Connor commented.

“I’m not,” Evan stammered.

“You’re in love with someone you don’t even know,” Connor looked like he wasn’t sure if he should laugh or shake his head.

“I want to help her,” Evan tried to explain. “And, yeah, she’d probably understand me better than any of the people I know back home. There’s nothing wrong with that.”

“It’s pathetic,” Connor informed him.

“I know,” Evan mumbled.

He didn’t need someone telling him this to understand it. So much of his life was wishing for something he couldn’t have. It just made sense to fall in love with the girl at the end of the story.

“Stop it,” Connor groaned.

“What?” Evan looked at him.

“You're moping,” Connor said. “It’s annoying.”

“Sorry,” Evan muttered.

“No, don’t to that either,” Connor sighed. “Look, you shouldn’t take what I’m saying to heart. I don’t know what I’m talking about, and if you haven’t noticed I’m kinda pissed off.”

“Why are you saying this?” Evan questioned. Connor and no reason to turn around and be nice to him.

“Because you’re easier to be around when you don’t look like I just kicked your dog,” Connor stated.

“Right," Evan forced a smile. “We can rest at the nearest village. I’ll get us some food.”

“You have money?” Connor questioned.

“I'll figure something out,” Evan shrugged.

“You’re very odd,” Connor informed him.

Evan just nodded.

“One second you’re a stuttering mess the next you’re proposing we steal from street vendors,” Connor was smirking again.

“I didn’t use those words,” Evan murmured.

“It’s what you were thinking,” Connor decided.

“Sure,” Evan didn't have the energy to argue with him.

* * *

Every part of Connor felt weighed down.

His hand that wasn’t currently connecting him to Evan Hansen unconsciously brushed the stone around his neck. It was heavier than it had felt when he first put it on. He didn’t want anything to do with it, but at the same time knew that just leaving it in the crater would have been foolish. If it had the power to rip him from everything he knew he wasn’t letting it fall into some stranger’s hands.

Not to mention, aside from the clothes on his back, it was all he had. That didn’t mean he didn’t despise it or that it wasn’t currently taking every ounce of his strength not to collapse under the weight of it.

Connor wanted to punch Evan Hansen for putting him through this, but he didn't think he could even do that without fainting in the process. He wasn’t supposed to hurt this much. He was supposed to be above it. He was supposed to know how to shine through everything. Then again, had he even fucking known how to shine when he was where he actually belonged?

“Evan, I can’t do this,” Connor blurted. Fuck his pride, he’d look weak in front of this kid if it meant he could breath.

“I promise, we’ll stop soon,” Evan wasn’t even looking at him. “We just need to—”

“No,” Connor could hear how close his voice was to breaking. He’d never had to sound like that before. It felt like he was clawing at the back of his own throat. “I’m going to throw up.”

“Hey, hey,” Evan’s hands were on his shoulders. The purposeful irritation was gone from his face. “Alright, just sit down. You’re not used to walking.”

“I’m not used to anything,” Connor muttered as Evan guided him to the ground.

“Breath,” Evan told him.

“I need water,” Connor voiced even though he knew they had nothing.

“You drank from the stream,” Evan stated.

“A mile ago,” Connor didn’t have the energy to snap. He felt so fucking pathetic.

Evan sunk to the ground in front of him. Connor watched as concern turned to a dulled panic. This wasn’t the kid who’d put a magic chain around his wrist and insisted that they keep walking the entire day. This was the scared boy who must know that all of the odds were against him.

“I'm sorry,” Evan’s voice broke so much easier than Connor’s. “Oh my god, I’m so sorry.”

“Hansen—” Connor didn’t mean for this. He’d wanted to stop walking and for Evan to listen to him, but Evan was looking at him like the world was falling apart and they were right in the center of it.

“No, you’re right,” Evan winced. “I’m an idiot, I’m not some hero from one of the stupid fairytales I’ve been deluding myself with. I couldn’t even use the candle right.”

Connor watched his breathing get faster and his body start shaking. Connor didn’t know what to do. Connor didn’t know how to talk to this boy when he was being assertive, how was he supposed to calm whatever this was.

In a slow movement, Connor placed his hand on Evan’s shoulder. He was surprised when Evan didn’t flinch or try to shrug him off. Instead he relaxed into the touch.

“We’re both hopeless,” Connor told him. “I’m the shittiest prize for the shittiest journey.”

Evan choked on his laugh.

“I want to save her,” he whispered.

“Yeah, I can tell,” Connor commented.

“She’s the only person who’s ever been there for me,” Evan looked at him now.

There was so much emotion in his eyes. Connor didn’t understand it. He wasn’t sure if he liked seeing it. There was pain—there was so much fucking pain—but there was also something else. This was what loved looked like.

“You’re lucky to have that at all,” Connor murmured.

“Don’t you come from a sky full of other stars?” Evan asked.

“A dark corner of that sky,” Connor replied softly.

“I’m sorry.” Regret joined the mix of emotions.

“Please stop saying that,” Connor sighed. “It just makes me feel bad for you. I’ve been trying very hard not to feel bad for you.”

“Right.” A very small but very real smile pressed onto Evan’s lips. This was the part where he tried to put himself back together. “I, um, if we don’t get to some shelter before nightfall—”

“I can’t move,” Connor reminded him.

“I know, I'm sorry. I’ll think of something,” he squeezed his eyes shut. “Or I won’t, and we’ll be stuck here for a week and—”

“Breath,” Connor returned his hand to Evan’s shoulder. “You’ll think of something. You’re brave enough to get this far, the rest will work out.”

“Life isn’t a fairytale,” Evan said darkly.

“You don’t know that,” Connor could hear a light in his own voice. He didn’t realize he was capable of that. “You’ve never had to watch the way real adventures turn out.”

“You watch people?” Evan gave him an odd look, but doing so seem to pull him away from his panic.

“What else am I supposed to do alone in the sky?” Connor asked back.

“I’m sorry.” That had been the wrong thing to say.

“Evan—”

“Right, I mean,” Evan shook his head. “I don’t know. It must be hard. Being alone all the time.”

“Well, I’m pretty sure I had family once,” Connor didn’t know why he was telling Evan this. “But they're gone now.”

“What happened to them?” Evan asked.

“They fell,” Connor said dully.

“Oh, right,” Evan nodded. “Sorry.”

“If you say that word one more time—”

“You’re getting really mad about it,” Evan commented. He didn’t sound as upset anymore.

“I’m tired, and I feel like I’m about to die,” Connor reminded him. “I’m aloud to get mad.”

“Right.” Evan exhaled. He looked tired too. “Connor, if your family fell maybe you could find them.”

“Sure,” Connor muttered.

“I mean it,” Evan pressed. “After we save my mother I could help you—”

“Do you honestly not know what happens to stars that fall?” Connor asked him sharply.

“No?” Evan blinked at him.

“Of course you don’t.” Connor had to admit, that made a lot of the shit Evan had been saying to him through the past day make a lot more sense.

“I'm not from this world,” Evan said dumbly.

“Yeah, I know,” Connor didn’t want to explain this. He didn’t want to fucking talk about it, but if he didn’t he doubted Evan was going to let it go. “I can heal your mother because the heart of a star shines and that light isn’t something worthy of this world.”

“And?” Evan wasn’t following.

“If just being near a star is enough to cure sickness, imagine what would happen if someone took the heart of a star and ate it.” Connor watched the words sink in.

“You don’t mean,” Evan’s eyes widened.

“That’s what people do when they see something bright,” Connor muttered darkly. “They kill it and take it’s power for themselves.”

“That’s why you didn’t trust me,” Evan murmured.

He looked like Connor had just slapped him. Connor didn’t realize someone who already knew how awful the world could be had the ability to look so appalled.

“Yeah,” Connor admitted.

“I shouldn’t have jumped at you,” Evan’s voice was close to shaking again. “That must have—”

“Stop it,” Connor cut him off.

“What?” Evan stammered.

“You’re pitting me,” Connor called him out. “Don’t fucking do that.”

“I’m not,” Evan didn’t sound like he was lying. “Connor, that’s horrifying.”

“I know,” Connor murmured.

Because Evan was right, and Connor could feel sick or complain about being awake in the daylight, but everything he was suffering from right now didn’t come close to what could have happened if Evan Hansen hadn’t been the one to find him. He was almost grateful to have met this stupid kid. Almost.

“Maybe its better if we don't go to a village,” Evan started.

“And starve in the middle of the woods?” Connor asked dryly.

“But what if someone sees you and—”

“Realizes I’m a star?” Connor doubted that would happen. “I’m not exactly glowing, Hansen.”

“Yeah,” Evan pursed his lips.

“Plus it’s safer there than here,” Connor knew.

“Right,” Evan nodded. Shock was still apparent on his face.

“Did I scare you?” Connor asked.

“No,” Evan’s eyes didn’t look any less clouded.

“See that’s the thing about fairytales, it’s not just heroes saving princesses,” Connor told him. “There are monsters everywhere.”

The sat there in silence for a while. Connor listened to the stillness, and Evan’s breathing eventually softening. He still didn’t like this world, but maybe there were some spots in the middle of the woods that weren’t so terrible.

“I’m going to climb a tree and see if maybe I can find our footing from there,” Evan decided after a while.

“I’m not climbing with you,” Connor made clear.

“I know.”

Connor watched Evan remove his end of the chain, and wrap it around the trunk of the tree Connor had been leaning against. He couldn’t trust someone who wasn’t able to fucking stand up not to run away. Evan walked a bit before finding finding a suitable tree. Connor watched him scramble up it. He reminded him of a squirrel.

“It doesn’t look farther than a mile,” Evan announced once he was back on the ground.

“Unless you’re going to carry me it’s not happening,” Connor informed him.

“You’re the one who said we can't just stay here,” Evan reminded.

“I don’t stay up like this,” Connor wasn’t going to fight to keep the exasperation from his voice. “I don’t move like this. If I try I am going to pass out and you’re going to have to deal with my body.”

“You’re dehydrated,” Evan told him.

Connor scoffed.

“My mother was a nurse, I know what I’m talking about,” he continued. “If I get you water and you sleep for an hour or so you’ll feel fine.”

“You’re not listening to me,” Connor hissed.

Evan closed his eyes. It looked like he was weighing something in his mind.

“It won’t take longer than half an hour,” he said after a moment. “I’m gonna go and come back with water and food.”

“You’re leaving me,” Connor realized.

“What else can I do?” Evan questioned.

“No,” Connor said quickly. “This is me agreeing with you.”

“You sure?” Evan blinked at him.

“I’m fine,” Connor meant this. “Go get food and water. I’ll just sleep or something.”

“No one would be out here this late,” Evan was talking more to himself than to Connor.

“And I can’t go anywhere, remember?” Connor gestured to the chain.

“Yeah,” Evan nodded. “Right. An hour there and back. You'll barely notice I’m gone.”

“I'll notice the lack of babbling,” Connor muttered as he watched Evan walk in the the direction of the village.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So kinda changed the mythology a tiny bit to my convenience...


	5. Chapter Four

As Connor waited, he could feel bits of his strength returning to him. It was getting dark, and the night had a rejuvenating effect. Connor wanted to stand up, but he knew if he tried the chain would keep his arm down.

Evan should have been back by now. Connor wasn’t worried—he wasn’t going to feel that—but it was getting darker and the possibility that he could have gotten himself lost was growing more and more. Connor didn’t know what he was supposed to do if something happened to Evan.

He closed his eyes. He knew he wouldn’t be able to sleep at night, but he could make himself relax in the dark.

He wasn’t sure how to describe the light that found him a few moments later. He felt it before he saw it. He wasn’t sure he was meant to see it. Looking at it burned his eyes, and that felt wrong. Light wasn’t supposed to hurt him.

Connor let his eyes close again, feeling the light move through the trees. It brushed past him. The chain around his wrist burned for a moment. The next thing he knew he couldn’t feel it anymore. When Connor opens his eyes the light was gone and so was the chain.

He was free. Slowly he pulled himself to his feet. His legs were shaky, but they felt stronger than they had been an hour ago. If he wanted to, he could run.

And then when Evan got back he would be gone. That would freak him out. Connor had watched Evan almost have a break down over making him walk too much. If he left, Evan wouldn’t know what to do.

But should Connor really give a fuck? He just wanted to go home. He didn’t want to worry about Evan Hansen and his problems that Connor might not even be able to fix. Connor shouldn’t have to fix anything for him.

So he started moving and didn’t look back.

* * *

Where there is light there is also darkness, and, while the light might have meant well by freeing Connor, it couldn’t stop him from being drawn to the dark.

* * *

Evan knew where he left Connor. He memorized the trees around that stop, and remember the path he’d taken to get to the village from there. It had taken a bit longer than he expected to find food and water. He couldn’t steal, so he traded his coat for a mettle canteen of water and a load of bread. It wasn’t much, and Evan knew if was worth much less than his coat, but they were desperate.

By the time he made it back to the spot of the woods he was exhausted and Connor wasn’t there. Evan collapsed under the same tree Connor had hours ago.

Connor shouldn’t have been able to leave. Evan had used the magic chain to keep him to the tree. And even without that, he’d looked too weak to go anywhere.

Evan’s head fell into his hands. He thought getting them food was the first decent decision he’d made, but all he’d done was manage to lose the only thing that gave him a shot at saving his mother. Now he was alone and freezing in the middle of the forest.

He closed his eyes.

He could figure this out, he had to. Connor and said that if he made it this far then he’d be able to do the rest. But Connor had left.

He needed to rest. He needed to think. He needed to find a way to feel less hopeless.

Numbly, Evan pulled the candle out of his pocket. What if he tired to get to Zoe? Maybe she had another candle, or a way to get to the Wall without it? If he found her, she could help him. If he found her he wouldn’t have to figure this out alone.

What was the point in saving the candle? Connor left. Connor didn’t care about what Evan or his mother or anything but getting back to the sky. That was kinda fair. No, it was more than fair.

So Evan shouldn’t have to be afraid that someone else was going to find him. In the morning he’d use the candle and hopefully both him and Connor would get what they wanted.

He closed his eyes. Sleep was a good idea. He let himself relax for a moment. Everything would work out, in the morning he would make everything work out.

And then he couldn’t breath.

Something was lodged in his chest, and it felt wrong. It felt like it was trying to strangle him from the inside. His insides were being filled by a fear that he couldn’t explain.

It reminded him of the time that he’d been asked what happened to his father. It reminded him of the time he’d been fired from his fist job because he didn’t know how to help a customer. It reminded him of every time he tried to talk to someone and just couldn’t.

But this wasn’t how this feeling happened. He’d actually been alright a second ago. He’d actually had a plan and felt in control. This wasn’t his anxiety. Or, that wasn’t all it was.

Evan scrambled to his feet. Something was very wrong. He needed to find Connor.

He knew better to go the way he’d come, so instead he ran in the direction they'd been meaning to journey. Maybe he’d get lucky. Maybe things did work out the way they always did in fairytales, and he’d just stumble upon Connor before something else did.

He needed to find Connor before something else did, because Evan couldn’t just be indifferent. Connor didn’t want to help him. That was alright. Evan still wasn’t going to let some kill him to steal his light. Evan wouldn’t be able to live with himself if he did that.

So he kept running and praying that for once the universe would give him a break. He begged the stars that he now knew could be watching him to watch Connor too and find a way to keep him safe until Evan could find him.

Evan reached the end of the trees faster than he expected. He wasn’t at the outskirts of the town he’d just visited. Instead he was at the edge of a long road. Connor was no where in sight. In the distance, Evan could see a large carriage. It appeared to be stuck in a ditch. Usually he would not run in the direction of a stranger, but he had no other leads.

Evan was panting by the time he reached the carriage. As he approached, a girl with dark skin and long black hair stood up to greet him. She smiled, but her eyes weren’t bright. Evan wondered how long she’d been stuck sitting there. Judging by the dress she was wearing, she had to be rather wealthy. Evan didn’t know that wealthy young people traveled alone here. It didn’t seem safe to him.

“Excuse me,” Evan needed to breathe. “I’m sorry, did a man a bit taller than me with long brown hair come past here? He’s my friend, we got separated in the forest and if I don’t find him—”

“I’m sorry you’re the first person I’ve seen for miles,” the girl’s face twisted into sympathy.

“Right," Evan nodded. That didn’t mean Connor hadn’t come here. Evan didn’t know how far ahead of him Connor was in the first place.

“Where are you headed?” the girl asked.

“No where,” Evan said too quickly. "I mean, I don’t know. I need to find my friend. He shouldn’t be on his own.”

“He’s lucky he had someone who cares about him this much,” the girl glanced at the wagon behind her. “Tell you what, if you could help get this out maybe I could help your find him.”

“Really?” Evan blinked at her.

“I mean, if you’re headed in this direction, then you can at least ride with me,” she said.

“Thank you,” Evan meant this.

“Don’t thank me yet," she replied. “I can’t move this at all, and you don’t really look that strong. No offense.”

“I’m not,” Evan admitted. “But there’s two of us.”

They both walked behind the wagon, and started pushing it. The girl’s horses were still pulling from the front, but Evan didn’t think it was going to do any good.

“This is hopeless,” the girl whispered.

“Give it one more try,” Evan suggested, ignoring how much his arms were aching.

“I’m loosing time,” she groaned.

Evan knew that feeling.

“Do you have anything important in there?” He asked her.

“Just some supplies,” she shrugged.

“Maybe you could just ride one of the horses?” Evan suggested. “If you’re traveling alone and light it might even be faster.”

“If they find my carriage in the middle of the road they’ll think something happened,” she sounded like she was talking to herself more than Evan.

“There’s a village not far from here,” Evan told her. “You could send word to your family there.”

She was silent for a moment, then she smiled at him.

“I have two horses,” she stated.

“I know,” Evan could see that clearly, and wasn’t sure why she felt the need to tell him this.

“You could still ride with me,” she explained. “For a little while at least.”

“I don’t know where my friend went,” Evan tried.

“This will still be faster,” she assured him.

“I’ve never ridden a horse before,” he admitted.

“Oh,” she let out a clear laugh. “Don’t worry, he’ll just follow me.”

“If you’re sure,” Evan mumbled.

“I am,” she said brightly. “I could use the company.”

Evan was pretty sure he knew what she meant by this. There was something in the air around it. It felt like the same thing that had stopped him from sleeping. He couldn’t describe it, but he knew that it wanted to hurt him. It wanted to hurt this girl as well, but part of him knew that Connor was the real target. That was enough to motivate him to jump on the horse. The sooner he found Connor the better.

“I’m Evan,” Evan felt the need to state.

“Where are you headed?” the girl asked before he could wonder what her name was. “After you find your friend, I mean.”

“We're just traveling,” Evan lied. “We thought we could find jobs somewhere, send money back to your families, you know.”

“Right,” she nodded. “That sounds exciting.”

“It is,” he could hear his voice wavering. “I kinda got us lost. It’s my fault we were separated.”

“The forest is tricky,” she sounded like she knew what she was talking about. “It likes to mess with nice people, I’m sure your friend is fine.”

“Yeah,” Evan wanted to say he was sure too, but he really didn’t know. “So, you’re traveling alone?”

“I am," she was talking a little faster now. “I have family in this area. It’s supposed to be a short visit.”

“Right.” Evan was finding it harder and heard to breath, but he knew it had nothing to do with this girl or his fear that he may fall off the the horse at any moment. “You’ve been here before.”

“No," the girl’s eyes widened slight. “I mean, yes, once. It was a while ago.”

“It’s nice,” Evan stated.

“It is.” She closed her eyes for a moment. “Something is wrong.”

“Yeah,” Evan couldn’t express how relieved he was that she could feel it too. “It’s getting worse.”

“I know,” she whispered.

“Is it magic?” Evan asked, because he didn’t know what magic felt like, he didn’t know anything aside from the candle and Connor (if he even counted Connor).

“Yes,” her voice was grave.

She was right. Something _was_ horribly wrong.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Forewarning, I may be taking a few liberties for the antagonist (you'll see what I mean next chapter).


	6. Chapter Five

Connor hadn’t thought this through. As he walked along the road, he wondered what the chances of Evan finding him were. He wondered if Evan was even looking for him.

His legs were starting to hurt again, and he didn’t know where the road was leading in the first place. He’d just blown his one chance at getting home on an impulse. The light wasn’t here to save him again. No one was going to save him, because he didn’t deserve it. He didn’t deserve the sky that had cast out his family, and he didn’t even deserve this disgusting, broken world.

It was dark, but he was certain that the building at the side of the road hadn’t been there a moment before. It was possible he was just going crazy, or too tired to have a decent grip on reality.

There was a light on inside of it. Connor didn’t trust anyone from this world, but he was cold, and exhausted, and no one would be able to tell he was a star in the first place.

He knocked on the door. After a few second’s passed, he realized he wasn’t going to get an answer. So he entered. Fuck his better judgement, nothing mattered anymore. Nothing had ever mattered to begin with.

Each step felt like he was pushing through snow. The air was cold, and thick, and every second it wanted him to collapse. It begged him to fall into it.

“Hello?” Connor called out.

He was fairly certain that he’d walked into an inn, but that didn’t explain why the staff was no where to be seen. The interior was nice. There was a fireplace at the back of a large, open room. It beckoned him into the warmth.

On the mantle over the fireplace was a pitcher of water. Connor didn’t bother finding a cup. He water felt cool against his throat, and soothed the burning that he feared he wouldn’t be able to escape. Next to the fireplace was a large bed.

Connor let himself sink into it.

Everything was draining him—the air around him was draining him—and it felt so much easier to just let go. If he wanted to, he could close his eyes and let darkness. In a place like this he could sleep at night. He could sleep and never wake up again, and that thought used to feel scary but right now it sounded blissful.

He wanted to give into the weight, and the dark, and not have to think about anything else.

He didn’t want the sorrow of missing the sky to set in, because a part of him hated the morning. What the fuck had the sky ever done from him aside from losing his family and allowed a necklace to make him fall? He didn’t want to know that, even if his family had once walked this road they were gone now. They were killed, and sooner or later he was going to meet the same fate because that was what he’d always been destined for.

Above all, he didn’t want to remember the look on Evan Hansen’s face when he gave way to the fear that he wouldn’t be able to save the only person he cared about. Connor didn’t want that on his conscience. He didn’t want to worry that Evan was alone in the forest and just had unstable has he’d been in that moment.

Connor knew that he was terrible and that was fucked up, because he was supposed to be the one purer than this world. He didn’t need this to drill into him anymore. Instead he could just sleep. He could just let go.

* * *

“Is that an inn?” Evan questioned, as they neared a dark building.

“I don’t know,” the girl squinted at it. “I don’t like it.”

“You haven’t seen it before?” Evan wondered. “The last time you were here?”

“No, I wasn’t in this area,” her eyes were still on the building. “Oh my God, can you see that?”

The night was dark, but there was something about this building that was harnessing the shadows. It looked like darkness was swirling around it, polluting the air. The closer they got, the harder breathing felt. Evan didn’t like this either. It looked like poison.

“My friend is in there,” Evan wasn’t sure he believed the words until they left his lips. But once he spoke them he knew they were true. Connor was trapped in the darkness, and if Evan didn’t get there right now he wasn’t going to get out.

“How do you know?” the girl didn’t believe him. Evan didn’t blame her.

It felt like the darkness was trying to take hold of the both of them. For a moment, Evan thought that it was trying to draw him in. Then the opposite happened. Evan’s horse started bolting, the girl’s quickly did the same. The darkness was trying to scare them away. That was all the conformation Evan needed.

“I need to stop,” he shouted.

“I can’t do anything,” the girl gripped the reins in her hands tightly.

Evan took a deep breath. He hoped he was right about this. He hoped that he could get to Connor in time. If not, he wasn’t sure what he was going to do.

He jumped off the horse.

There was a loud crack when his body hammered into the ground. Evan could hear the girl shouting something but by now she was too far away to decipher. At first his arm just felt numb, but when he stood he felt a stinging pain sear through it.

He took a step towards the inn.

* * *

Connor felt safe.

He couldn’t trust the outside world, but here he was alright. Here he didn’t need to be afraid of what people could do to him. Here he didn’t need to hide from himself.

He was broken, but now he was alone and he could drift into numbness.

He could feel the darkness pooling around him. It felt soft. It reassured him of everything he knew was true. The world wanted to hurt him, and he would end up hurting what was good about the world. But if he closed his eyes and stayed here everything would be alright.

And he was so tired.

* * *

Evan reached the door. His arm wasn’t what hurt. The panic that had woken him up, the fear that he’d felt while riding with the girl, was forcing it’s way through him. He was going to throw up. He was going to collapse into a shaking mess. Because that was all he was. That was all he ever would be.

He tried to grip the door handle, but his hand was trembling too much.

He should just give up. If he couldn’t even open a door, or move a carriage, or keep track of a star, how was he supposed to save anyone? He should just stop. He wasn’t good enough and he never would be.

But Connor needed him. Connor was about to die, he could feel it.

Evan shoved his body into the door. It swung open.

Darkness swirled around the large room. It wanted to catch onto Evan and pull him away, but it didn’t touch him. It stopped a fraction of an inch from baring it’s fangs into his skin.

There was a fire at the end of the room. Next to it was a bed. Connor was in that bed. He looked so pale. He looked like his life was being drained out of him.

“Connor!” Evan’s voice was rough and full of every bit of the panic inside him, but it was loud enough to reverberate around the room.

* * *

Connor jolted from the peace. He couldn’t see anything but the darkness. What moments ago had caressed him, now forcefully latched around his body. He was trapped. This had all been a fucking trap and he was stupid enough to walk right into it. Now it had him, and it was going to kill him, and there was nothing he could fucking do about it.

But the darkness wasn’t what had pulled him out of the dream.

“Evan?” He choked.

He couldn’t seen him, he couldn’t see anything. Everything that once had felt warm, and bright, and safe was now closing in around him. It was reaching inside of him and destroying him from the inside.

* * *

Evan couldn’t see Connor anymore. The more he tried to push through the darkness the more it encircled the star. Evan couldn’t get to him. He couldn’t reach him before it was too late.

“Connor, you need to fight it,” he screamed.

“I can’t.” The voice was choked, but audible. Connor was still by the fire.

The fire that was still burning.

* * *

Connor didn’t want the dark to consume him. Connor didn’t want to die. He’d just wanted the pain of being lost and alone to go away for a moment. He wanted to be alright for a just a moment.

Was this what killed his family? Had it just been waiting to take him as well?

Suddenly, he was angry. Connor pushed against the claws wrapping around him. He wasn’t this weak. He was better than this.

“Get to the fireplace,” Evan shouted.

Connor nodded even though he knew the boy couldn’t seen him. He pushed through the haze, to the flickering warmth. A hand grabbed hold of his arm.

“It’s me,” Evan quickly said.

He looked awful, like it was taking every part of him not to just fall into the floor.

“How are you here?” Connor didn’t understand. He’d left him hours ago. There was no way Evan could have tracked him down. There was no way Evan would have done that for him.

“Hold onto me,” Evan instructed.

He looked just as terrified as Connor felt, but fear wasn’t the only emotion in his eyes. Evan Hansen looked determined. He believed that they were going to get out of this. Connor wrapped his arms around Evan, because this boy was the closest thing he had to a lifeline. He looked at the fire instead of the darkness closing in around them.

“Think of home,” Evan whispered.

It was only when Connor saw that Evan was holding the remains of the Babylon candle in his hand that he understood. In a swift motion, Evan thrust his wrist into the fireplace.

Connor watched everything around them dissolve into light.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's a metaphor...


	7. Chapter Six

The light of the candle was replaced by a sharp wind and rain. Connor’s eyes took in his surroundings. It looked like he was in the middle of the sky, but it wasn’t his sky. He was close to his home, but he wasn’t there. 

“Where are we?” Evan shouted. He was still holding onto Connor. 

“How the fuck am I supposed to know?” Connor shouted back. He wanted to push Evan off, but was slightly afraid that if he let him go he’d lose him again.

“We’re in the middle of the sky,” Evan was gaping. “We’re actually in the middle of the sky. I’m standing on a cloud—a cloud!”

“Yeah, I can see that,” Connor said as dryly as he could. “You said think of home!”

“It was the first thing I could—”

“And you thought of your home and I thought of mine so weren’t somewhere in the fucking middle,” Connor kept shouting. 

“Oh,” Evan’s eyes widen, clearly realizing they didn’t have a way out. 

“For a second you were so smooth, Hansen,” Connor shook his head. 

“Are you alright?” Evan stopped looking around them, and moved closer to Connor. 

“Don’t.”

“Connor, you almost died,” Evan’s voice was too soft, too caring. 

“We're gonna die here if we don’t think of something,” Connor reminded him. 

“I’m serious,” Evan wasn’t lying. 

He was cut off by a net falling on top of them. For a slit second, Connor thought that this was it. They were going to fall to their deaths after barely escaping the darkness seconds before. But then Connor felt himself hit a wooden floor. 

“What is this?” Connor tried to stand, but the ropes held him down. 

They were on a ship. Through the rain he could see people standing around them. Over the wind he caught the word “stowaways.” He could feel Evan’s arm against his back. This wasn’t good.

“So the kingdom’s sending kids to spy on outlaws,” a short man, who Connor assumed was the leader said loudly. He couldn’t have been a year older than Evan. Actually, most of the people standing around them seemed about their age. “That’s pathetic. Still, better this than have to shoot down another ship. My eyebrows can’t take another electrocution.” 

“We’re not spies,” Evan sputtered. “We’re just travelers. We got lost.”

Connor wasn’t stupid. He knew what pirates looked like. These men were younger than Connor would have expected, but that didn’t mean that they weren’t going to kill the both of them. 

“In the middle of the sky?” the leader questioned. 

“We’re just trying to get home,” Evan tried.

“Of course, like we haven’t heard that one before,” the boy scoffed. “Tell me the truth, and maybe we won’t hurt you.”

“That is the truth,” Evan was scared. Connor could hear it in his voice, and so could the pirates.

“Take them to the brig.” 

The net was pulled off. Someone grabbed hold of Evan’s arm, trying to haul him to his feet. Evan let out a yelp that Connor could tell wasn’t from fear. He was hurt. He’d probably been hurt the whole time and Connor hadn’t fucking noticed. The man didn’t let go of Evan’s arm despite the pain twisted on his face.

“Get your hands off of him!” Connor could hear the anger in his voice.

Without thinking, Connor lunged forward. Instead of attacking the man holding Evan, Connor raised his fist at the leader. Before he could reach him, something collided hard with the back of his head, knocking him back onto the ground. 

“Calm down,” Evan was at his side in seconds. “Just do what they say.”

Connor let himself be pulled out of the rain and into a small room. They were pushed back to back and ropes were tied around them. Connor couldn’t see Evan, but he heard him hiss when it made contact with his arm. Then the door was locked and they were left alone.

“What happened to your arm?” Connor asked in a soft voice. 

“It’s nothing,” Evan mumbled.

“It’s broken,” Connor could tell.

“I jumped off a horse,” Evan told him.

“What?” Connor tried to turn his head, but he couldn’t. 

“It’s nothing,” Evan said again. 

“Where did you get a horse in the first place?” Connor couldn’t fathom this. 

“I, um,” Evan’s voice was quiet. “Well, when I was looking for you I met this girl and her carriage was stuck in a ditch, and we couldn’t get it out so she said I could ride with her since she had two horses and I tried to help and all.”

“Did she threaten you?” Connor asked a little too fast. 

“What? No,” Evan stammered. 

“Then why did you jump off the horse?” Connor asked. 

“It wouldn’t stop when we got near the inn,” Evan told him. “And, I can’t explain it, but I knew you were inside and I had to.” 

“You didn’t have to,” Connor’s voice was lower than he meant it to be. 

“I—”

“You could have left me and found your girlfriend and her magic potion,” Connor needed Evan to know he understood this.

“I wasn’t going to leave you,” Evan said firmly.

“Thank you,” Connor meant this. 

“It’s nothing,” Evan tried to brush off. 

“You saved my life, it’s not nothing,” Connor told him. “I’m sorry I left you.” 

“You didn’t owe me any loyalty,” Evan said lightly. But Evan didn’t owe Connor any either. He’d still done the right thing. He’d still risked his life for Connor. 

“I do now,” Connor said. “Evan, I thought it was going to kill me.” 

“For a second I did too,” Evan murmured. Connor wanted to see his face. He wanted to know if Evan had been scared for himself, or if he’d for some reason been afraid for Connor. It didn’t make sense. 

Evan Hansen was too nice, too trusting, and too stupid. But Connor was moved more than he thought he could be. 

“Give me your hand,” Connor instructed. “The broken one.”

“I can’t,” Evan stated. 

“Like this.” 

Connor twisted his own arm backward until his fingers brushed against Evan’s wrist. He closed his eyes, he channeled the confusing warmth that Evan’s gesture made him feel. He hadn’t tried this before, but he knew it wasn’t very different from shining. Connor focused on his breath, pretending that was passing through him and to Evan. 

“Feel better?” He drew his hand back.

“How did you…” Evan’s voice was full of disbelief.

“The same way I’ll heal your mother,” Connor said coolly. “I promise I will. Candle or no, I’ll save her.”

“Thank you,” Evan’s voice was soft again. He sounded like he wanted to cry.

“I owe you,” Connor replied. “What did it feel like to you?”

“What?”

“The darkness, you felt it to, you had to have ” Connor clarified He knew his voice was weaker now. He knew he probably shouldn’t ask this at all, because he didn’t want to relive what he’d endured and he didn’t want Evan to have to either. But he needed to know if it hurt him just as much as it tried to hurt Connor.

“Like a panic attack,” Evan answered. “But it wasn’t my panic. You?”

“It was nice at first,” Connor confessed. 

“That’s why you stayed?” Evan asked.

“I thought it was protecting me from everything that wanted to hurt me or everything I could hurt,” Connor didn’t want to voice this, but he kinda owed Evan that much. 

“You’re not hurting anyone,” Evan told him in a meek voice. 

“I hurt you,” Connor reminded him. “I still could. At least, it told me it could—that I wanted to.” 

“So it made you stay?” Evan’s voice was warm, he was trying very hard to understand.

“I wanted to,” Connor whispered. “I think it was killing me before you got there.”

“It was,” Evan said gravely. Connor realized Evan must have been able to see that.

“But then you were shouting my name and I realized it was trying to hurt me,” Connor remembered. “Then it wasn’t soft anymore.” 

“You’re alright now,” Evan’s hand found his again. 

“Yeah,” Connor scoffed. “If they don’t kill us.”

“I’ll get us out of here,” Evan didn’t sound confident. “I'm supposed to figure it out, right?”

“Yeah,” Connor felt himself smile now. “You’re the hero in whatever this is.”

“Right,” Evan laughed slightly. 

“If we make it to your home alive, are you really coming back for that girl?” Connor asked. 

“What do you mean?” Evan asked back. 

“You’ve been in more danger in the past day than your entire life,” Connor didn’t have to know Evan’s life to be certain of this. “Is it worth going back?”

“She is,” Evan’s voice had a weight to it. 

“You don’t even know her,” Connor reminded him. 

“I know she’s a good person,” Evan said. “And that someone needs to help her.” 

“You’re sweet,” was all Connor could say to that. 

“I’m an idiot,” Evan laughed mirthlessly.

“No,” Connor was smiling again. “I was wrong about that.”

Evan’s head leaned against his back.

When the door opened, Connor decided that they weren’t going to give up easily. Whether that meant trying to talk their way out or actually fight. He’d do either for Evan’s sake, and also for his own.

The boy who’d talked the most before sauntered into the room. Connor glared, because he wasn’t going to let any of the people on this ship push him around. To his surprise, once the door was closed again, the cocky expression dropped from the boy’s face. 

“Listen,” his whispered urgently. “If you both play along, you’ll be fine.” 

“The fuck are you—”

“We’ll do whatever you want,” Evan cut Connor off. Then nudged his arm. Reluctantly, Connor nodded.

“Now’s the part where you tell me who you are and who sent you,” the boy said loudly. 

“We’re just travelers,” Evan’s voice was a little louder than it had been before as well.

The boy made a hand motion that Connor assumed meant for Evan to keep talking. Evan didn’t, Connor wasn’t sure if that was because he was confused or really hadn’t thought of a cover story. 

“We’re runaways,” Connor answered for him. “We’re just trying to get away from our families so we can be together.” 

“That's the best you can come up with?” The boy asked in a hushed voice. 

“Yes,” Connor hissed back. 

“Hoping to steal from us?” The boy projected again. “You’re not the first to think you could get away with it.” 

“We’re just passing through,” Connor kept going. “We used a magic candle, but my fiancé is very bad at magic, so—”

“We don’t mean you any harm,” Evan cut in.

“You just happened to fall onto our ship?” The boy faked a demanding tone. “I don’t buy it.” 

“Technically we didn’t fall, you, um, threw a net over us,” Evan sputtered. 

“Dear god,” Connor groaned under his breath. 

The leader of the pirates, however, seemed to think Evan’s accidental talk back was perfect. He shouted a very obnoxious threat and silently cut the ropes around them. He motioned for Connor to wait by the door and Evan to help him with something. He kept shouting while doing this. Were the situation any different, Connor would have laughed outright at how ridiculous he looked. 

They watched him pull a manikin out of a barrel, and Connor really did want to laugh. He whispered at Evan to put his shirt on the manikin. Connor realized what they were doing. When it was hoisted through the window, accompanied by amused shouts from on deck, Evan was used through what Connor was pretty sure was a backdoor.

“If you can stop glaring for two seconds, you’re gonna have to look distraught,” the boy said to him.

Connor rolled his eyes, but let the boy forcibly pull him out of the room and across the deck. He feigned the same anger he’d displayed when Evan’s arm had been hurt before. As he did so he let himself take in his surroundings. The men standing around looked entertained by the commotion. Well, it was for their benefit.

The rain had let up, so the clouds didn’t obstruct his view of this ship this time. He’d seen lightning ships from the sky before, but that wasn’t the same as witnessing the metallic wings up close. It wasn’t the same as knowing that they were flying without the use of magic.

It was impressive, he’d admit that.

After being dragged across the deck, Connor was shoved into a much large and more impressive room. Once the door slammed shut behind them, the act dropped once again. 

“How did that even work?” Evan who was awkwardly leaning on an expensive looking dining table, and still only wearing his undershirt, asked. 

“Well, not from your lying skills that’s for sure,” the boy quipped. “I’m surprised you were capable of dropping that scowl for two seconds.” 

“I don’t get it,” Connor made clear. “Why did we do all of that?”

Why didn’t he actually just throw the both of them out the window? And, if he didn’t want to, why had he needed to pretend that he did? Last Connor checked murder wasn’t exactly a casual action.

“Wow, you really do have no idea where you are,” the boy remarked. 

He introduced himself as Jared Kleinman, apparently a nitrous outlaw who secretly didn’t exactly have the stomach for that that title entailed. So, instead of killing those in his way he went to great lengths to appear as though he did, creating a towering reputation and (according to him) feared respect from anyone who crossed his path. 

“So, you’re done this before?” Evan asked. 

“For the most part,” Jared shrugged. “Trust me, it’s so much easier than actually murdering dozens of people. Do you know how hard it is to get bloodstains out of silk? Anyway, what's your real story?”

“We’re lost,” Connor stated. 

“And lovers running from prejudiced families?” Jared laughed. “You’re so lucky no one here actually reads, that was the most cookie cutter Romeo and Juliet cover story I have ever heard.” 

“My mother’s sick,” Evan told him honestly. “Connor’s a healer. We just trying to get to Wall by the end of the week. Which, I'm realizing more and more is impossible.” 

“Eh, I could get you there,” Jared stated.

“Seriously?” Evan blinked at him. 

“But I’m guessing you don’t have any money,” Jared looked the both of them over. 

“No,” Connor answered for him.

“Well, I’m not really one for good deeds,” Jared went on. 

“If you could just drop us off at the nearest—”

“What do you want?” Connor cut Evan off in a controlled tone. 

“I don’t know,” Jared shrugged. 

“Connor,” Evan gave him a worried glance. “I don’t have anything.” 

“We’re desperate,” Connor said to Jared. 

“Where’d you get that necklace?” Jared took a step closer to him. 

“No where,” Connor’s hand found the stone had had knocked him out of the sky. “I’ve had it for a while.” 

“It looks more expensive that you are,” Jared observed. 

“You’d be surprised,” Connor quipped, knowing that only Evan would get the joke and probably did not find it funny. “You want it?”

“Connor,” Evan tried.

“Honestly, yes,” Jared answered.

“Fine,” Connor took his hand off the the stone. “Get us to Wall, you can have it.” 

“Deal,” Jared agreed.

“Connor,” Evan was giving him an unreadable expression. 

“What?” Connor looked at him. “You don’t have anything better.” 

“But you can’t just hide here for the next few days,” Jared gestured to the door. “They’re not stupid.”

“Right,” Evan nodded. 

“But they think you threw him out a window,” Connor pointed out. 

“I can work around that,” Jared grinned. “First you both need clothes.”

“We’re wearing clothes,” Evan stated. 

“Not really,” Connor’s eyes flickered up and down Evan, earning a blush.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Definitely made Jared too cool, but I guess that's fair since I unintentionally wrote him out of most of my other fics.


	8. Chapter Seven

“Why do you even have all this?” Connor questioned as his eyes surveyed the very large closet. This had also been concealed by a trap door. There were so many backhanded comments Connor had to stop himself from saying.

“What’s the point in being a feared outlaw if you don’t get to have fun?” Jared shrugged as if collecting obviously expensive clothes that Connor doubted he wore out of this room was the first thing anyone would think of when they heard the word ‘fun.’

“I can’t wear this,” Evan gingerly held the dress suit Jared had pushed into his hands. “I’m gonna look ridiculous.”

“I think it’d look good on you,” Connor commented.

“I don’t,” Evan seemed more than a little embarrassed.

“You keep trying to be a hero,” Connor reminded him with a smirk. “Look the part.”

Evan nodded meekly.

“So how do you know each other?” Jared asked the both of them.

Connor was fairly certain he was more curious that the casual tone betrayed.

“We, um, only met a few days ago,” Evan stammered. “I heard he was a good healer and found him.”

“Seriously?” Jared looked at him doubtfully.

“What?” Evan asked.

“Nothing,” Jared shrugged. “That’s just a lot of sexual tension for only knowing each other for a few days.”

Connor choked on his laugh.

"What are you talking about?” Evan looked mildly mortified.

“Him freaking the second someone touched you,” Jared recalled. “I mean seriously, Cassio never hits anyone, that was hilarious.”

“Yeah,” Connor didn’t find the dull pain that was still present at the back of his skull funny.

“Is your head alright?” Evan asked him, embarrassment was replaced by concern.

“It’s fine,” Connor shrugged off.

“Go change into that,” Jared instructed.

“Right,” Evan was still holding the dress suit. Evan shuffled to the entrance of the room next door. Connor hadn't questioned why the rest of the people on this boat were alright with Jared having this much space for himself.

“Can I take this?” Connor gestured to a more simple gray shirt and pair of black pants. He was still wearing the same thing he’d fallen from the sky in, and was ready to not have something coated in dirt and sweat sticking to him.

“Sure,” Jared answered.

Connor felt very aware that they were alone. He still did not trust this man, whether or not he’d said he wouldn’t hurt them, and agreed to get them where they needed to go. Connor wasn’t sure he'd ever be able to trust someone that wasn’t Evan. He wasn’t really sure at what point he’d decided that he trusted Evan in the first place.

But even if he didn’t trust Jared, Connor would be lying if he said that this wasn’t entertaining.

“I don’t get it,” Connor started. “Why do you have to lie to them, it’s not like they’re going to tell people?”

“I’m their leader,” Jared stated as if this alone was enough. “They need to see me a certain way.”

“And that’s not who you want to be,” Connor could see this.

“I’m fine with who I am and what they see me as,” Jared was still smirking, but Connor could hear the slightest bit of defense in his voice. “Besides, I’m way better off than people like you.”

“Right,” Connor scoffed at the insult. He did have a point. At the end of the day, Connor really didn’t have anything and Evan wasn’t much better off.

“There’s really nothing going on between you two?” Jared asked.

“Why?” Connor didn’t mean for his voice to come out harsh.

“Just wondering,” Jared raised his hands in mock defense. “I mean, he’s cute and all, but not really my type.”

“I didn’t mean it like that,” Connor sighed. “No, there’s nothing going on. There's this girl he’s got his heart set on, and I’m really not a romantic.”

“Right,” Jared gave him a look that Connor couldn’t read.

“This just feels weird,” Evan stated as he walked back into the room.

Connor had been right about one thing, the clothes did make Evan look like every stupid, handsome hero Connor had witnessed while still maintaining everything he had been before. Despite the fact that Evan was clearly praying that the ground would swallow him, the frame of his build made him seem almost daring. The dark blue of the fabric brought out the softness of his brown eye. Had Connor stopped to notice how warm Evan eyes were before now?

“Oh my god,” Connor murmured out loud.

“Damn,” Jared whistled.

“You’re both laughing at me,” Evan took a step back. “I’m just going to change—”

“No, it’s perfect,” Connor cut him off.

Evan smiled at him sheepishly.

“Listen to your boyfriend,” Jared added.

“I’m not—”

“Now hair,” Jared declared.

“What?” Evan blinked at him.

* * *

Evan didn’t really think that Jared giving him different clothes and a hair cut was going to make his crew believe he was a different person. That didn’t mean he was going to argue. Not when so much was riding on Jared getting them to Wall on time, and not when Connor was laughing like that.

Evan couldn’t see what Jared was doing to his hair, he honestly wasn’t sure he wanted to know, but every few minutes Connor would throw his head back and laugh like this was the funniest thing he’d ever seen. Being the target of the joke was completely worth witnessing that laugh. Connor seemed to shine—no, he didn’t seem to, Connor was literally glowing.

It was like the light Evan had seen a flicker of when Connor healed his arm, only it was so much brighter and more beautiful.

“I don’t look like me,” Evan voiced when he was finally pushed in front of a mirror.

“Exactly,” Jared crossed his arms triumphantly.

“You do,” the laugh was still in Connor’s eyes. “Just fancier.”

“We definitely got rid of that farm boy chic,” Jared added.

The person in the mirror was a hundred times more confident that Evan felt. The person he saw would be able to save his mother, and find Zoe, and figure out how to get Connor back into the sky.

After eating a little bit of food, Jared confessed that the ship really couldn’t spare much right now, they were ushered into the only extra room on board. There was only one bed. Evan was pretty sure that Jared made a snide remark about it, but only Connor seemed to catch what he said.

“I could sleep on the floor,” Evan started.

“Why?” Connor asked.

Evan realized he really didn’t have a reason to be shy about this. They escaped death together, sleeping next to each other shouldn’t be a big deal.

“Never mind,” Evan cleared his throat. “I’m kinda tired.”

“Yeah,” Connor nodded.

Evan wasn’t sure how long it would be before the night was over. It felt like this night was never going to end. He wasn’t the same person he’d been the night before. And while that was terrifying, it was also exhilarating.

Connor’s arm pressed against his when they laid down. If either of them moved farther from each other, Evan was pretty sure they’d fall off the bed. Part of him recognized that this might be a good thing. He wasn’t sure he’d be able to fall asleep without knowing for certain that Connor was safe and next to him. He didn’t trust the loss of consciousness anymore.

That didn’t mean it didn’t feel awkward. Despite how exhausted he was, now that they were relatively safe he couldn’t bring himself to drift off. He could tell that Connor wasn’t sleeping either. The silence was deafening.

“You glow when you laugh,” Evan blurted because he was an idiot.

“What?” Connor sounded more amused that annoyed.

“When you were laughing earlier,” Evan clarified, knowing that Connor could hear the embarrassment in his voice. “You were glowing.”

“I’m a star,” Connor stated.

“I know,” Evan said back.

“And what do stars do, Hansen?” Connor turned his head to catch Evan’s expression.

“It’s pretty,” Evan mumbled.

“Excuse me?” Connor’s eyes narrowed.

“Sorry,” Evan wished he could eat his words. He wished he could eat the entire conversation. “I don’t—”

“I’m messing with you,” Connor rolled his eyes, but he was grinning.

“You still can’t sleep at night, right?” Evan realized.

“I can’t,” Connor answered.

“Sorry.”

“If I’m keeping you up, just tell me to shut up,” Connor said.

“No, don’t,” Evan responded. “I don’t think I’ll be able to fall asleep.”

“You just said you were tired,” Connor reminded him.

“I know,” Evan said sheepishly. “But I don’t think I can, you know, let my guard down. If that makes sense.”

“You’re worried something’s gonna attack us the second you close your eyes,” Connor summed up.

“Yeah,” Evan admitted.

“I won’t sleep,” Connor said. “If something comes to hurt us, I’ll wake you up.”

“Alright,” Evan closed his eyes. “You can still keep talking if you want. But if you don’t want to, it’s fine, I'll stop babbling, you’re probably annoyed—”

“I'm not,” Connor told him.

“Oh, um, thanks,” Evan wished Connor would just tell him to shut up, that way he wouldn’t keep talking himself into embarrassment.

“You’re welcome?” Connor raised an eyebrow.

“Do you, um,” Evan didn’t know how to phrase this, “think Jared actually thinks we’re lovers?”

“No,” Connor made a face. “I told him several times, I think he’d just being an ass.”

“Right,” Evan laughed nervously.

“We don’t really look like a pair,” Connor commented.

“It’s rare for couples of the same gender to be accepted where I come from,” Evan wasn’t sure what compelled him to say this.

“It’s like that a lot of places,” Connor told him.

“That’s sad,” Evan stated.

“It is,” Connor agreed. “It’s also kinda romantic.”

“I’m not following,” Evan said.

“I’ve seen people, run away together,” Connor explained. “I mean, I don’t know about love, it’s not something I both wondering about, but it’s sweet to see someone put one person above everything.”

“Yeah,” Evan murmured.

“But even that is sad,” Connor’s eyes clouded.

“How?” Evan wanted to know what was going through his head.

“Just, being able to forget everything you know because you want someone,” Connor sighed. “It’s hard to understand.”

“I think only people who are in love understand it,” Evan voiced.

“I guess,” Connor said softly. “Go to sleep, Hansen.”

“Alright.”

* * *

The star wasn’t on the ground. The darkness could feel it. That was alright, it couldn’t hide in the sky forever.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm glad everyone likes Jared! Aside from really wanting to write star!Connor, imaging Jared as Captain Shakespeare was my main motivation when I first started this.


	9. Chapter Eight

It was around afternoon. After realizing how bored he was staying confined in the spare room with Evan, Connor declared he was going to walk around. Evan hadn’t seemed to like the idea, but hadn’t tried to stop him.

Connor was glad he hadn’t. When he got to the deck, the only person there was a boy on the helm. He didn’t seem to care what Connor was doing. Connor wandered to the from of the ship. The sky was clear, and if he peered over the sides he could see the ocean miles under them.

It was amazing. Connor hadn't realized how much he missed the height that his home gave him. This was almost like being back there. He liked the feel of the wind bushing his hair out of his face and the knowledge that in the sunlight there darkness wasn’t going to find him again.

“The view’s nice today,” a voice startled him.

Connor whirled around to see a boy with choppy brown hair. He was young. He had to be at least a year younger than Evan. He was smiling, but it reminded Connor of the awkward grin Evan had worn a handful of the times he was at a loss for words. This was the boy who had hit Connor the night before.

“Bad for business, but nice. You should have seen it a few nights ago,” the boy kept talking. “So many clouds we couldn’t even see the stars through them. We're lucky we didn’t get lost.”

“Why are you talking to me?” Connor asked bluntly.

He didn't want anything to do with the other people on this ship. Plus, he wasn’t going to drop his share of the act. The boy trying to awkwardly make conversation thought that Jared had murdered Evan in front of him the night before. Connor wasn’t going to laugh back.

“I’m sorry about hitting you yesterday. I wouldn’t have if I knew you were gonna go down that easily,” he laughed nervously. “I’m Cassio, I don’t know if Jared—”

“Leave me alone,” Connor knew his voice sounded harsh.

“Fine. I was just gonna tell you you could give this to your boyfriend,” the boy pulled an apple out of his pocket. “Since he’s gonna be stuck down there until we get to the next port.”

For a second Connor didn’t know what to say. He knew his expression was being watched carefully. He should probably try to keep lying, but his surprise had most likely already given him away.

“We’re not actually together,” Connor stated.

“Sometimes the cover stories are real,” the boy—Cassio, he’d said his name was—grinned. He tossed the apple to Connor. “Depends how bad whoever he’s pretending to intimidate is at lying.”

“Did he tell you or—”

“I’ve known him since I was fifteen,” Cassio said in a dismissive tone. “He’s not a monster. Everyone can pretty much tell when he’s lying, we just never talk about it.”

“Which is why you're talking to me?” Connor still didn’t see why this kid was trying to be friendly.

“Just wanted to make sure you understood no one here is gonna hurt you,” Cassio shrugged.

“I’m not scared of any of you,” Connor wanted to make clear. The last thing he needed was the people here thinking they had that over him.

“I never said you were,” Cassio raised his hands in mock defense. “You can’t tell him, though. That we don’t believe it. He needs to think we see him like that, it’s complicated.”

“I think I understand,” Connor meant this. It wasn’t about Jared proving to others that he was something he wasn’t. He needed a reputation to hide behind to quell the insecurities Connor had witnessed him carefully conceal the night before.

“Good.”

“So he’s never actually killed anyone?” Connor couldn’t help asking.

“No,” Cassio shook his head. “He’s not like that. I think he could talk someone to death with his jokes if he wanted to.”

“Right,” Connor chuckled.

“Where are you from?” Cassio asked in a casual voice that masked how not casual the question really was.

“No where,” Connor said in a guarded tone. He wasn’t going to bother coming up with a lie.

“You’ll fit in here then,” Cassio commented.

Connor’s eyes went back to the sky around them. It was a nice view. The lack of clouds, made it feel like the whole world was spread out in front of them. Connor wondered if the people on this ship always felt this powerful while flying. Maybe he could understand why power seemed to be so important to Jared if it was able to replicate this feeling.

“I didn’t know you could see the stars in the day,” Connor mused. They were faint, but Connor could see the occasional light peeking through the continuous blue.

“They don’t all go to sleep,” Cassio told him.

“What?” Connor’s gaze whipped to him, waiting for him to say he knew what stars really were, for him to say that he knew who Connor was.

“Some of them are awake during the day,” Cassio gave him an odd look. “That’s why you can still see them.”

“Oh,” Connor quickly turned his stare away.

“It’s comforting,” Cassio kept talking. “No matter where you are in this world, at least the stars will always be there.”

“Except for when they fall,” Connor murmured.

“That’s rare,” Cassio brushed off.

Maybe no one here knew about the star that had just fallen. Cassio had said that they’d almost gotten lost in clouded weather. That was good. The least anyone knew about Connor existing, the safer him and Evan were. Then again, Evan wasn’t really in any danger to begin with. He’d nearly lost his life, but that was because of Connor not him.

But Connor wouldn’t think about this right now.

“I’m not really from around here,” he started, looking back at Cassio.

“It’s obvious,” Cassio said levelly.

“Fuck you,” Connor replied dryly.

Cassio just laughed.

“Jared said he was an outlaw,” Connor continued.

“Yes,” Cassio nodded.

“And you’re acting like the things he said about reputation was also true,” Connor said.

“Pretty much.”

“So what happens when we land somewhere?” he asked.

Cassio process the question for a moment. Connor knew he wasn’t the only one with trust issues, and could tell that Cassio was mentally weighing what it was alright to tell Connor.

“Small towns are better, usually ones with an active black market,” his voice didn’t have any weight to it. “It’s been a while since we were actively hunted.”

“But when you say ‘we’ you mean ‘him’,” Connor could tell.

“Yeah. If the ship gets caught, he’s the one they want. I don’t know what would happened to the rest of us,” the gleam in Cassio’s eyes was gone for a fraction of a moment. “But it doesn’t matter, we won’t get caught.”

“Cassio, quit flirting!” The boy at the helm shouted.

“Shut up, old man!” Cassio rolled his eyes, but started walking in the direction anyway. Connor followed. “Benv’s the oldest here, so some of us call him that.”

“No one here is old,” Connor voiced.

“Yeah, we’re pretty much the lost boys if they were pirates. And not, you know, hunted by pirates. Or unable to age,” he shook his head. “Never mind its a bad analogy.”

Connor watched him take over at the helm. It didn’t look like a strenuous job at the moment. The boat was moving at a steady pace, iron wings moving up and down the wind smoothly.

“Tell Conrad it’s his turn in an hour,” Cassio called at the other boy, who was already headed off the deck.

“The captain said he’d land this time,” the boy called back.

“God help us,” Cassio muttered audibly.

“Just hold onto something,” the boy smirked before disappearing.

“I will,” Cassio laughed.

Connor wouldn’t ask what that was about.

“How did you find everyone here?” Connor wondered instead.

“They found us,” Cassio leaned on the helm. “Kinda like how you did, or through lightning sales, it’s different for everyone and we don’t take just anyone.”

“Right,” Connor nodded. He was still holding the apple Cassio had thrown him. Evan would probably appreciate it. If he was relaxed enough to eat, that is.

“Are you getting off this stop or are we bringing you with us?” Cassio asked.

“We need to get to Wall,” Connor told him. “I traded with Jared for passage.”

“We haven’t been there in a while,” Cassio didn’t ask him what that entailed. “But, seriously, I’m sorry about hitting you. Usually people don’t fight back.”

“Your friend was hurting Evan,” Connor could remember the anger that had motivated his actions. Every time rage had filled him before, all it ever resulted in was the toxic energy spiraling around him. He’d reacted in the moment, but he knew that if it happened again he would have done the same thing.

“It wasn’t intentional,” Cassio said in a serious voice.

Connor didn’t reply.

“So,” Cassio coughed nervously. “You’re not actually eloping?”

“Fuck no,” Connor let himself smile again.

“You should,” Cassio stated. “You seem to care a lot about him.”

“I owe him,” Connor wouldn’t tell how. “That’s all.”

“You looked like you were gonna tear Jared in two,” Cassio remarked.

“I probably would have,” Connor shrugged off, even though he did mean this. “That’s why you hit me, because you thought I was going to hurt him?”

“He’s our leader,” Cassio’s eyes darted back the the helm. “We’d all take a bullet for him if we had to.”

“That’s sad,” Connor didn’t mean to say out loud.

“Excuse me?” There was offense in Cassio’s voice.

“He thinks he has to be something else for you guys to respect him,” Connor clarified. “It’s sad that he doesn’t actually need any of that.”

“It only looks simple to a bystander,” Cassio shook his head.

“If you would all accept him, what’s the point?” Connor questioned.

“It’s complicated,” Cassio said firmly. “He’s complicated. Things are fine this way. Or would you rather we have thrown your boyfriend out the window?”

“I wouldn’t have let that happen,” Connor’s voice was stone again.

“Right,” Cassio’s grin didn’t feel patronizing enough for Connor to make a scene about it.

“I should probably go back.” Connor knew that he’d already been longer than Evan would have anticipated.

“If you run into anyone, they won’t bother you,” Cassio told him.

“Good,” Connor was about to turn to go. “You should tell Jared.”

“I already said—”

“No, not about the knowing the lying,” Connor cut him off. “About how you want to sleep with him.”

“I,” Cassio blinked at him. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Right,” Connor smirked as he walked away.

When Connor got back to the room, Evan was sitting on the bed with a book on his lap. It was abundantly clear he was not reading, but Connor pretended not to notice that his gaze shot to the door when Connor smoothy opened it.

“Anything happened while I was gone?” Connor asked as he dropped onto the bed next to Evan.

“No,” Evan answered.

“Here,” Connor handed him the apple.

“Who gave you food?” Evan questioned.

“The kid who hit me last night,” Connor answered, not hiding the amusement in his voice.

“What?” Evan’s eyes were wide. “Connor, did he—”

“No one threatened me or gave me a hard time,” Connor knew what Evan was going to worriedly ask. “They’re actually not the group of asses you’d think they are.”

“I still don’t think—”

“I can handle myself on a ship full of people who were ordered not to hurt me?” Connor finished for him. “I’m not that fragile, Hansen.”

“I didn’t mean it like that,” Evan’s voice was more hesitant now.

“I know,” Connor didn’t want to argue with him. He was enjoying getting along with this boy. “Eat the apple, I know you’re starving.”

“I could cut it in half, if you’re hungry too,” Evan suggested.

“I’m fine,” Connor said matter-of-factly. “It was for you anyway.”

“What?” Evan shot him a bemused expression.

“Never mind,” Connor shook his head before letting himself fall backward onto the bed. “I’ll explain later, I’m sleeping now.”

“I can move,” Evan started to stand.

“You’re fine,” Connor told him, moving himself to the side Evan wasn’t taking up. “It’s warmer when you’re next to me.”

Connor closed his eyes. He wouldn’t say it out loud, that he did feel safer knowing Evan was right there. It wasn’t a sense of security that he needed, but that didn’t mean it wasn’t welcome.

* * *

“He's dead,” Alana tried very hard to conceal her emotions from the messenger who had gone through great lengths to track her down. She’d known this man for years, she wanted to say she trusted him, but she didn’t really trust anyone. At least not anymore.

“Everyone knows he has no children,” the messenger’s voice was sad. He, and most of the kingdom, were in morning. Alana wasn’t going to be aloud this right. “You’ve been named his heir.”

“I wasn’t told that was his plan,” she murmured.

“You need to come back,” the messenger told her.

“I know.”

Part of her wanted to. If she left now, she’d reach the kingdom in a few days. She’d have everything she’d worked for. Just by sitting on the thrown she showed everyone who had ever doubted her how foolish they really were.

And if she did this she would break her promise to a dead man who she did care about. Alana wanted to find the king’s daughter. No matter what action she took, from this point forward the kingdom needed her. She could either rule alone with a guilty conscious and a broken spirt, or she could take a fee more days and do the right thing.

Alana had always been determined to be more than everyone presumed she would be.

“You didn’t find me,” she turned to the messenger. “You will keep traveling north for three more days, where you’ll find me in a small town. You’ll give the the message there, and not stop me when I insist on making the journey alone. It’s customary to have a few days of morning in solitarily.”

“Where are really going?" He questioned.

“I’ll tell everyone when I get back,” she smiled.

If she couldn't find the girl by the end of the week she would pause her search to address the kingdom.

“Has it been announced that I’m the future king?” She asked.

“Not publicly,” there was a waver in his voice. “But someone said something to a handful of the higher families.”

“Right," Alana nodded.

She couldn’t travel as herself for now. That was alright. She’d spent about a year with her gender masked, and doubted anyone who knew of her would recognize a young boy with the same face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just to be clear, I didn't put Cassio in here just because I wanted to write an OC or because I wanted Jared to have a love interest. This is honestly the first time I put a fleshed out OC in one of my fics, and even though I've done a lot of character study on him I am more nervous than excited about him being read. HOWEVER, the reason I'm doing this is because I feel it's important to show how Jared is seen by other people and for that to contrast with how he sees himself. And, let's be honest, Jared could use some love so I have no shipping regrets.  
> (Side note: in my mind Cassio looks like MLB, but I didn't want to water down Connor's narration with any more description than was needed.)


	10. Chapter Nine

It turned out Jared wasn’t the most careful flyer. Two minutes into him taking the helm, Connor was pretty sure anyone standing on deck would have fallen off the boat. Him and Evan just held onto the headboard of the bed, which thankfully was nailed to the ground. 

“I’m going with them,” Connor stated, even though they’d both talked through the plan for today’s charade several times before.

“I know,” Evan’s hand was still wrapped around the headboard despite the ship having landed. “Be careful.”

“I’m always careful,” Connor said lightly.

“You’re not,” Evan told him. “I’ve known you for less then three days and I know you’re not.”

“Whatever,” Connor rolled his eyes.

It felt longer than that. Connor felt like he’d aged years since he fell from the sky, and he knew Evan wasn’t the timid boy who found him anymore. It was weird to look at his life before he met Evan. It almost felt dull in comparison.

When Connor walked onto the deck, the crew was taking large leather containers from a wooden crate. Connor hadn’t asked how lightning was contained before.

“You might want to stay near me,” Cassio said as they walked off the ship. “This isn’t a nice place.”

“Whatever,” Connor was capable of watching his back. The people here didn’t have the power the darkness had possessed over him.

“Connor, hold this,” Jared thrusted one of the leather containers into his arms. 

“Why?” Connor kept dryness in his voice. 

“Makes you look less like a dear in headlights,” Jared stated with a smirk before sauntering ahead of the group. 

“He doesn’t like to carry the stuff,” Cassio told Connor in a stage whisper. 

“So this is lightning?” Connor asked. 

“It’s not dangerous,” Cassio said quickly. “While it’s closed that is.”

They went into what Connor could tell wasn’t just a shop. The rest of them stood on the side as Jared started talking to the owner. Connor didn’t ask if it was normal for the entire crew to leave the ship. It seemed dangerous to him, but then again people probably feared messing with them. It also did make the plan Jared and Evan had devised easier. 

“We trade here a lot, it shouldn’t take long,” Cassio explained, gesturing to Jared and the shop owner. “He likes to talk the price up.”

“Does it work?” Connor asked. 

“Sometimes,” Cassio shrugged. “Hope it does, we could use some extra money.”

“I’m not interested in gossip,” Jared said loudly. 

Connor realized that this was as much for the benefit of the crew as pretending to throw Evan out a window had been. It was impossible for the shop owner not to be intimidated by how many of them there were, but from where they were standing it did look like the fear was being caused by Jared alone. Connor would give him credit for thinking this much through. 

“It’s not gossip,” the shop owner was saying in a significantly less boisterous voice. “I’ve heard on several accounts the star didn't fall far from here.”

That made Connor freeze. 

“I’m not chasing down a rock,” Jared snorted. 

“Even you have to know how much it’s worth,” the shop kept talking. 

“Not losing a week and risking my ass,” Jared said blandly. “Do you know how many of the king’s men are south of here?”

“The king is dead,” the shop owner brushed off. 

“The army isn’t,” Jared stated. “If you can’t pay me—”

“No, no! I can,” the shop owner begin fumbling with gold coins. 

The subject of the star was left alone, but that didn’t stop the words said from ringing in Connor’s ears.

“We can stock up now,” Jared said to Cassio as they left the shop. “Tell the others.”

“Yes, sir,” Cassio disappeared to go do this. 

“Are you alright?” Jared was looking at Connor now.

“I’m fine,” Connor said bitterly.

“If you say so,” Jared shrugged. 

Connor didn’t want to talk to him. He didn’t want to talk to any of them. He didn’t know how to contain the anger anymore, and knew that it was very close to consuming him. It was always anger. Fear or sadness would never last for him. He wasn’t meant to shine, he was always supposed to burn. 

Because of course he wasn’t aloud to feel safe for just a moment. He didn’t belong here, thinking he did just proved what a fucking idiot he was. At the end of the day he wasn’t like these people.

Evan only protected him because without Connor his mother would die and he’d have no way to track down the girl of his dreams. If Jared and Cassio and everyone on the fucking ship knew who Connor was they’d stop trying to make him feel welcome. If they knew the truth they’d kill him in a heartbeat. 

“Cassio, change of plans,” Jared’s voice broke through Connor’s train of thought. “We need to get back now.”

“Is something wrong?” Cassio jogged back to them. 

“I'm getting a weird feeling,” Jared lowered his voice now. “I think there are shadows here.”

“Shadows?” Connor repeated, his voice numb.

“It’s probably nothing,” Jared’s voice was a note off from casual.

“Better to be safe,” Cassio added. 

“Exactly,” Jared clamped his hand on Cassio’s back. “Tell the others we’ll get supplies at the next port.”

“Right,” Cassio nodded. 

“What are shadows?” Connor asked. 

“You really don’t get out much,” Jared commented. “It’s hard to explain. Dark magic? They feed off of life force or something like that. Main point is they’re bad news, but places like this aren’t very good at keeping them out.”

“There’s more than one?” Connor questioned. 

“Yeah,” Jared gave him an odd look. “But it’s probably nothing right now.”

“Right,” Connor cleared his throat. 

When they reached the ship, Connor was prepared for the scene waiting there. He watched Jared and Evan pretend that they were family friends, and that Evan had been tracking them down because he needed transportation to Wall. Connor knew the crew could see through it, but had decided against letting Evan in on that. It was far too funny to watch Evan pretend to be the sort of person Jared’s persona would be friends with. The tough act was cute, if not entirely unbelievable.

“Come here, I want to show you something,” Connor approached Evan once the ship was lifting back into the air.

“We’re supposed to not know each other,” Evan stated. 

“No one’s watching,” Connor rolled his eyes, but Evan didn’t move. “Alright, fine. I'm Connor.”

He held out his hand. Evan shook it. 

“Evan,” his voice was formal. Connor wanted to laugh. 

“Are you going to go through the tough routine, or was that just for the full audience?” he teased. 

“I’m really bad at it, aren’t I?” Evan flushed. 

“You’re too nice,” Connor remarked. “Ask Jared to teach you how to be a jerk.” 

“I could be a jerk if I wanted to,” Evan mumbled. 

“Sure,” Connor drew out the word. 

“I practically kidnapped you,” Evan exclaimed in his defense. 

“For a good cause,” Connor shrugged. “Cancels it out.”

“What did you want to show me?” Evan asked.

Connor grabbed hold of his arm and dragged him to the edge of the ship. 

“Stand here,” he instructed. 

“And?” Evan gave him a confused expression.

“Look out,” Connor said. 

“I am,” Evan looked like he wanted to laugh. 

Connor rolled his eyes before physically moving Evan’s head to the world below them. He watched Evan take in a shaky breath. It took a moment for him to relax, but Connor could see fear be replaced by wonder. 

“It’s nice,” Evan whispered after a moment. 

“Yeah?” Connor hummed. 

“This is what your home looks like, right?” Evan asked thoughtfully. 

“Not completely,” Connor answered honestly. “I think it’s the closest you could get here.” 

“Connor,” Evan let out a small cough. “You’re really close.”

Connor hadn’t noticed that he was leaning into Evan.

“Am I invading your personal space?” he could feel himself smirking. 

“No, it’s just,” Evan glanced behind them. “I think they’re watching and—”

“Maybe your tough persona is a player,” Connor challenged. He considered telling Evan that it was alright to drop the act, but messing with him a little bit sounded more fun. “If the act is that important, have some fun with it.” 

“Um,” for a second Evan looked like he was going to tell Connor there was no way in hell he could do that without giving himself a heart attack. Instead he nodded. “Alright, yeah, I will.” 

Connor grinned, and Evan seemed to relax the slightest bit. 

“So, Evan, who I have just met for the first time a few minutes ago,” Connor started. “What’s your business at Wall?”

“It’s a secret,” Evan stated. 

“I won't tell anyone,” Connor leaned a little closer. 

“Where are you traveling to?” Evan asked, moving back the slightest bit. 

“I don’t know,” Connor shrugged. “I was following someone. I think I’ll keep doing that for a bit longer.” 

“Where is he?” Evan played along. “The person you’re following, I mean.” 

“Oh, you know,” Connor winked. “He got thrown out a window.” 

Evan laughed loudly.

“He was actually kinda an idiot,” Connor said with a smirk. 

“Thanks,” Evan muttered. 

“But he was sweet,” Connor admitted. He waited for Evan to either take the compliment of sputter something Connor wouldn’t be able to understand. Instead he just looked at him. “What is it?”

“What?” Evan blinked like Connor had broken an internal debate. 

“You’re staring,” Connor pointed out. “It’s weird.” 

“Sorry,” Evan stammered. 

“You don’t have to apologize,” Connor sighed. “But you do have to tell me why.”

“You, um,” Evan rubbed the back of his neck. “You’re glowing again.”

Connor hadn’t realized this. Minutes ago he had felt awful. Usually it took a long time for him to shine after the anger found him, but he couldn’t feel that burning right now. It was almost as if it hadn’t been trying to plague him in the first place. 

“I think it’s the height,” Connor shrugged, leaning on the wall that kept them from tumbling out of the boat. 

“You could come back here, you know,” Evan told him. 

“What?” Connor looked back at him. 

“After you heal my mother,” Evan clarified. “I’m sure they’d want you to stay, and you seem to like it here. Until we can get a candle, I mean.” 

“I do like it here,” Connor could easily admit this. “But that’s just because they don’t know what I am.”

They weren’t really his friends, or they at least wouldn’t be if they had any idea how much his ripped out heart was worth.

“I’m sorry,” Evan’s expression had changed. “I didn’t mean to upset you.”

“I’m not upset,” Connor tried. He didn’t want to be. He could block thoughts like this out if he tried hard enough. 

“You’re not glowing anymore,” Evan pointed out. 

“Oh.” That made it easy for Evan to read him. Connor didn’t want to talk about being afraid, or angry, or alone. He wanted to make fun of Evan and get him to laugh again. “You wanna keep your act up? Stop apologizing, especially to me.” 

“Why to you?” Evan asked. 

“I’m not your equal,” Connor shrugged. “I’m practically a prisoner, you should act like you’re above me.” 

“You’re not acting like a prisoner,” Evan pointed out. 

“I never do.” Connor hadn’t even when a magic chain was connecting him to Evan “Way too high and mighty for that.”

“Right,” Evan chuckled. 

“Just look more confident,” Connor told him. “I’ve seen you do it before.” 

“You have?” Evan looked confused.

“Every time you’ve needed to be the hero,” Connor remembered what Evan had looked like even if Evan couldn’t recall how it felt. “How are you gonna win that girl’s heart if you can’t even look like you know how to flirt?”

“And you do, from living alone your whole life?” Evan asked back. His eyes widened as her heard his own words. “I’m sorry, I didn’t—”

“No apologizing,” Connor put a hand on his shoulder. “And, yeah, I think I do. Better than you at least.” 

“Maybe you should teach me then,” Evan would have seemed smooth if his face wasn’t currently turning red.

“No thanks. I’d ruin the cute factor you have going for you,” Connor laughed.


	11. Chapter Ten

Connor was tired the next morning, but when Jared dragged them out of their room saying that he needed to show them something he didn’t know how to complain about sleep. It wasn’t normal to sleep during the day, and eluding to that in front of anyone who wasn’t Evan was not a good idea. When the got to the deck and Jared tossed each of them a sword, Connor’s irritation was gone.

It was clear that Evan had never held a weapon in his life (aside from the knife at his belt but Connor hadn’t seen him draw that once). Connor didn’t have much experience either, but he picked up on the simple movements Jared showed them. The sword was heavier than it looked, but Connor felt momentum when the swung it to block or attack. He didn’t feel like the boy who had to be rescued from the darkness. He felt strong.

“You'll get better,” Jared told Evan after Connor nearly knocked him off his feet for the third time. “He’s just faster.”

“By a lot,” Connor said cheekily.

“It's not a contest,” Evan told him. Connor could tell he wasn’t offended.

“You only say that because I’m winning,” Connor replied.

“Try defense,” Jared said to Evan.

“Alright,” Evan raised his weapon and proceeded to not block Jared’s strike. “Ow.”

“You’re doubting yourself,” Jared told him.

“It’s the confidence thing,” Connor felt the need to add.

“In a fight you’re not going to have time to give him a pep talk,” Jared said to Connor, before turning back to Evan who was rubbing his shoulder. “You need to be able to react instinctually.”

“I don’t think anyone’s going to attack people as poor as us,” Evan joked.

“Yeah,” Connor agreed with laugh.

“I know what Connor is,” Jared stated.

Connor felt his blood turn to ice. He’s eyes darted to Evan, who immediately tensed. The relaxed half smile was gone. Connor wanted to say something—a threat or a bargain maybe—but before he could Evan was standing between him and Jared.

In a fight, Evan would lose. He’d just proven that, but the protective stance didn’t falter.

“If you try anything,” Evan started.

“You’re probably both die considering how shit you are at this,” Jared laughed. “Don’t worry you’re safe here, but you won’t be once we land.”

“How do we know we can trust you?” Evan asked.

“You didn’t before,” Jared reminded him. “But I am teaching you how to fight. If I wanted to kill him, why would I arm either of you?”

“He has a point,” Connor put a hand on Evan’s shoulder. “Come on, you should keep going. It probably will come in handy.”

Evan nodded, raising the sword again.

“Try to hit me,” Jared instructed.

* * *

“How did you know?” Connor held off questioning Jared until Evan needed a break and left to find food.

“I’m not stupid,” Jared deadpanned.

“Apparently,” Connor scoffed.

“You looked pale after that merchant mentioned the star,” Jared told him. Connor knew he should have been more in check of his reactions, still that shouldn’t have been enough to give him away.

“That doesn’t automatically mean it’s me,” he stated.

“No,” Jared said fairly. “But all the shining does.”

“I don’t,” Connor blinked at him.

“Pretty much every time he looks at you,” Jared gestured to where Evan had left.

“It’s not because of him,” Connor tried. Because it wasn’t Evan, it was feeling safe and being able to laugh around him. It had nothing to do with who he was. Stars didn’t shine for people, they shined for themselves.

“I’m not butting into your love life,” Jared shook his head. “Leave me out of that can of worms.”

“I don’t have feelings for him,” Connor need to make this clear. “He’s just the only person I know I can trust.”

“You can trust everyone here,” Jared said to him.

“Why?” Connor questioned. “You know I’m more valuable than this necklace.”

“Yeah, but we’re not actually murderers,” the was a slight defense to Jared’s voice. “And we all know what it feels like to be hunted for something that isn’t your fault.”

“Stealing isn’t your fault?” Connor asked before he could stop himself.

“Maybe for me it is,” Jared didn’t sound like he believed those words. “I guess I could have gotten by in a tiny village with a job that over worked me and barely payed for food and lodging.”

“That came out wrong,” Connor tried, but Jared wasn’t done.

“I don’t think the rest of them would have made it without this,” Jared said seriously. “When I met Cassio he had nothing, if I was really the person he thought I was he would be dead. We chose to steal the ship and illegally trade lightning, but it wasn’t because we suddenly felt like being rebels.”

“I didn’t think of it like that,” Connor confessed.

“Yeah, you didn’t,” Jared was still offended, but he forced a smile. “I won’t tell the others what you are, but if they knew they wouldn’t hurt you or Evan.”

“Thank you,” Connor meant this.

“Don’t mention it,” Jared shrugged. “Seriously, don’t.”

“I know, I know,” Connor stopped himself from rolling his eyes.

“Here,” Jared handed Connor the sword Evan had been training with. “Tell him he can keep it.”

“I don’t have anything to trade it for,” Connor was certain Jared already knew this.

“I know, you weren’t kidding about being poor,” Jared said with a not very subtle smirk. “It's a gesture of good will or something. I don’t know, I’m being nice, don’t make me regret it.”

Connor wouldn’t.

* * *

Evan couldn’t sleep. For a little bit, he’d been able to drift between stages of consciousness, but my midnight he knew he was just going to be staring at the ceiling until sunrise. He couldn’t just lay still until then. He could feel how awake his body was, and it usually wasn’t a good idea to stay still when his nerves were clattering like this.

The deck wasn’t empty when he got there. The boy Connor seemed to talk to a lot—Evan was pretty sure his name was Cassio—looked like he was about to fall asleep at the helm. At the head of the ship, Connor was standing with his back to the both of them. His hair was gently flowing behind him, and against the night sky Evan could see the light radiating off of his skin.

He was beautiful.

Evan wouldn’t bother him right now. Instead he walked to Cassio.

“How long has he been there?” Evan’s eyes stayed on Connor.

“Maybe an hour?” Cassio shrugged.

Evan nodded. This was the most at peace he’d seen Connor. It was nice, but it didn’t come without a pain in Evan’s heart. Connor was only happy because this was the closest he could get to his home—a home that neither of them knew how to get him back to.

“Are you in love with him?” Cassio’s question made Evan jump.

“What? No, of course not,” he stammered. “I only just met him and—”

“He didn’t tell you?” Cassio looked mildly amused.

“Tell me what?” Evan didn’t understand.

“I know you’re the kid Jared pretended to throw out the window,” Cassio stated blandly.

“Oh,” it took a second for that to sink in. If Cassio knew this, there was a chance that most of the others did as well. Evan had been keeping a presence for the benefit of no one. No wonder Connor had been laughing at him. “I still haven’t known him that long.”

“Right,” Cassio didn’t sound like he believed Evan.

“Why are you asking me this?” Evan asked him.

“Just curious,” he tried to shrug off. “You two are the most entertaining thing that’s happened here for a while.”

“Are you in love with Jared?” Evan asked back.

Connor had mentioned something about this after the sword fighting lesson (which Evan was still sore from). Evan wasn’t sure if Connor was reading into things too much, but he had talked to the other people on the boat more than Evan did. Judging from the look on Cassio’s face, Evan was going to have to trust Connor’s intuition more.

“I don’t know why Connor thinks that,” Cassio’s eyes met his hands.

“Neither did I,” Evan said sheepishly. “But I think I’m starting to get it.”

“You don’t know me,” Cassio reminded him in a cold voice.

“You're right,” Evan had overstepped. “I’m sorry, I didn't mean to offend you—”

“It’s fine,” Cassio cut him off. “Just don't say anything to Jared about it.”

“I wouldn’t,” Evan said firmly.

“And tell Connor not to,” Cassio added.

“Got it,” Evan nodded. “There’s nothing wrong with that, though. Liking Jared I mean, he’s done a lot for us even though he doesn’t have to, and you see really nice.”

“There are a lot of reasons why it wouldn’t work,” Cassio said numbly.

“Right. Sorry,” Evan wouldn’t push the subject anymore. “Forget I said anything.”

They were silent for a moment. Evan wondered if Connor even knew they were there. They were far enough away for him not to overhear the conversation.

“I could take over for you if you want,” Evan pointed to the helm.

“No thanks,” Cassio said.

“You look really tired,” Evan pointed out.

“No offense,” Cassio started. “But if you make a mistake I’d be the one in trouble for it.”

“Right,” Evan wondered how many times he was going to embarrass himself in this conversation. It would be better just to leave. “I’m gonna go talk to Connor.”

Cassio nodded. He really did look exhausted. Evan wondered if he would be doing this so late if he didn’t have feelings for Jared.

“Hey,” Evan said as he approached Connor, trying very hard not to startle him.

“I thought you were asleep,” Connor smiled. Maybe it was just Evan’s imagination, but he seemed to glow a little brighter too.

“Too much excitement I guess,” Evan shrugged. He let his gaze scan the night sky Connor had been watching before. “Do you miss being up there?”

It was a stupid question. Of course Connor missed being up there. It was his home, it was the one place he felt safe. Evan waited for Connor to scoff at him, and remind him of all of this.

“Yeah,” Connor’s voice was soft instead. “I mean, of course I do. But, maybe not as much as when I first fell.”

“Why?” Evan asked.

“I don’t know,” Connor tried to dismiss.

“Yes you do,” Evan could tell from the look on his face. He knew exactly what he was talking about, but for some reason he didn’t think he could tell Evan. After everything they’d been through, Connor could tell Evan anything.

“I feel less alone here,” Connor admitted in a small voice.

“Yeah?” Evan hummed.

“I don’t have family or people to talk to up there,” Connor told him. “But here it’s almost like I have friends.”

“I’m your friend,” Evan said a little too firmly.

“Right,” Connor didn’t meet his gaze.

“Connor, we almost died together,” Evan stressed.

“I know,” Connor smiled at him again.

“It’s dangerous here, but I kinda get what you mean,” Evan started. “About not feeling as lonely.”

“You have your mom back at your home,” Connor pointed out.

“I have her and stories, that’s all,” Evan wasn’t sure he had ever voiced this out loud before to anyone. “I spent my whole life reading about other people’s adventures. This is scary, and I know it sounds bad, but I don’t think I’d trade this for what life was before.”

“It doesn’t sound bad,” Connor was giving Evan a look he didn’t really understand. “I think I’m happier here than I was where I was safe.”

“You glowed when you were in the sky,” Evan reminded him softly.

“I burned,” a hard expression flashed through his eyes. “Never mind.”

“No, if you want to talk about it—”

“I don’t,” Connor snapped, then winced. “I’m sorry.”

“No, I am,” Evan hadn’t meant to bring up anything that hurt. He just wanted Connor to smile and the both of them to forget everything around them for just a moment. “Did you watch people dancing when you were in the sky?”

“I’m not going to make a fool of myself,” Connor started.

“You won’t,” Evan took hold of his hand.

It was a nice night. Evan usually didn’t stop to notice things like this, but he wasn’t the same kid he’d been a few days ago. He didn’t think that adventure would make him want to fall into the small things that normal people back home did. But right now Evan didn’t see Connor as a star. Right now Connor was just someone who was smiling at him, and Evan hadn’t really thought he’d ever get that much.

“Evan,” Connor’s forehead was creased, but he seemed more embarrassed than annoyed.

“Humor me?” Evan pleaded.

“Fine,” Connor rolled his eyes, but the light was still radiating off of him.

Evan wasn’t much of a dancer, but his mother had taught him a few steps when he was younger and she didn’t realize that he’d never have the courage to ask anyone to dance with him. Evan placed his hand on Connor’s waist, and guided Connor’s arm along it. He kept hold of the other hand.

“Just follow my feet,” he wouldn’t tell Connor he was currently dancing the lady’s part.

“That’s the confidence I keep talking about,” Connor chuckled.

“Yeah?” Evan hadn’t thought of what he was doing as that.

“You had it when Jared said he knew what I was,” Connor added.

“That didn’t feel like confidence,” Evan didn’t want to remember what that moment had felt like, even if it had barely lasted a second. “It was terror.”

“But you didn’t look scared,” Connor’s voice was smooth. “You looked brave.”

“Really?” Evan was so close to Connor right now. When Connor spoke, he could feel his breath on his face. It was nice. For some reason, proximity wasn’t uncomfortable when it was Connor.

“Yeah,” Connor hummed. “I would’ve been impressed if I wasn’t painfully aware that he could have killed you then and there.”

“Right,” Evan laughed quietly.

“But the next thing that tries to get us won’t know that,” Connor squeezed his hand.

“Connor,” Evan tried to push certainty into his voice. “There might not be a next thing.”

“Yeah,” Connor’s eyes clouded. Evan felt the air around them change before he saw it.

“What is it?” He asked.

“Nothing,” Connor wouldn’t meet his eyes anymore. “You’re right.”

“And you’re not glowing anymore,” Evan pointed out.

Connor did look at him now, but his face was guarded. Evan had thought they were passed this. Their feet stomp fumbling through dance steps.

“I wasn’t to begin with,” Connor pulled away from him.

“Yes you were,” Evan didn’t understand what was happening. “Since I got up here you were, and it got brighter when you started talking.”

“Why does it matter?” Connor snapped. He looked angry and Evan didn’t know why.

“Connor,” Evan felt himself take a step back, but he didn’t want to. He wanted to hold onto Connor, to make the rage go away.

“I’m a star, alright?” Connor’s voice was harsh. “Sometimes I glow, it doesn’t mean anything. Before I fell here I glowed when I was angry.”

“Is that what you meant by burning?” Evan asked softly.

“Go back to bed, Evan,” Connor’s eyes were narrow.

“Connor, please,” Evan tried to touch his shoulder, but Connor shoved him away.

“I’m serious,” his voice had a warning to it. “I want to be alone.”

“I don’t know what I did wrong,” Evan whispered.

But he had to have done something. Connor was glowing a minute ago and now he was upset. It was Evan’s fault. He ruined it like he ruined everything. Because he was cursed, he was always cursed with something, and now his mind would pin his stupidity on a made up infliction.

“Maybe acting like you give a shit,” Connor’s voice pulled him out of his thoughts.

“I,” Evan stammered. Was that all this was? “I'm not acting.”

“Because you need me to want to help you, right?” Connor demanded. “Because I’m selfish enough to ditch you again so you need me to feel emotionally attached.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Evan couldn’t raise his voice. He wanted to shout this through the fog polluting Connor’s thoughts, but he couldn’t. Yet, some how, his choked whispered manage reach Connor.

“I know,” the rage was gone. “Fuck. I’m sorry.”

“No, no, it’s fine,” Evan needed to get out of here. He shouldn’t have thought he could dance with Connor to begin with. “I should have just left you alone in the first place.”

Evan tried to run. If he left now then maybe they could pretend that none of this happened.

“Evan, wait,” Connor grabbed hold of his arm. “If I freak out, it’s because you don’t know how much time I’ve let myself believe that no one was capable of caring about me.”

“You’re right that I need your help,” Evan met his eyes. “But I do care about you. The past few days feel longer than they were. I don’t think I would have lived through the first one without you.”

“You would have been safer,” Connor murmured.

“You don’t know that,” Evan meant this. If the candle hadn’t taken him to Connor, he wasn’t sure he’d have been able to find his way. Connor gave him the drive that he needed to get them both back to Wall alive.

“I think of you as a friend too,” Connor told him.

“Really?” Evan couldn’t hide his smile.

“Yeah, and it’s not just because you saved my life,” Connor grinned back.

It wasn’t as bright as it had been a moment before, but it was still there. He was finding his footing again, and maybe now he realized Evan would catch him if he stumbled.

“Where were we?” Connor held out his hand.

“We don’t have to.” Evan started, but Connor stepped into him, guiding Evan’s hand back to his waist.

“You’re better at this than fighting,” Connor let him know.

“It's pathetic,” Evan muttered.

“It suits you.” Connor was glowing again.


	12. Chapter Eleven

They reached the closest the ship could get to Wall early the next day. Connor hadn’t gotten much sleep in, but he wasn’t going to complain about it. He knew that time was very close to running out, and him making a big deal was only going to weigh the both of them down more.

“Good luck,” Jared said to the both of them.

“Thank you for everything,” Evan’s voice was warm.

“Eh, it’d be a shame if you died after all the work I put into not killing you,” Jared shrugged.

“Right,” Evan nodded.

“Here,” Connor took the heavy stone from his neck, holding it out to Jared. He knew that it probably wasn’t worth the transportation and the fighting lessons, but there was nothing he could add to the payment.

“Hold onto it,” Jared pushed Connor’s outstretched hand away.

“But we agreed,” Connor reminded him.

“I don’t really want it,” Jared brushed off. “Plus, you’ll need something to fall back on when you realize you still have no money.”

“Are you sure?” Connor didn’t like the idea of accepting the hospitality Jared had shown the both of them as simply that.

“What would I do with a necklace?” Jared laughed. “Don’t answer that.”

They were about to exit the ship, when Jared suddenly stoped Evan, saying he had to explain something to him. Connor didn’t ask. Instead he approached the boy at the helm.

“Do you never take a break?” He asked Cassio.

“It’s easier if I’m on deck when we land,” Cassio shrugged.

“Makes him more relaxed?” Connor looked back at where Jared and Evan were talking.

“You could say that,” Cassio’s voice was a little tighter.

“You should talk to him,” Connor stated.

“You should talk to Evan,” Cassio countered.

“I’m not actually—”

“Whatever you need to tell yourself,” Cassio shrugged. “If you need to, you know you can come back here.”

“I might,” Connor admitted. He didn’t know what would happen once he healed Evan’s mother. “Take care of yourself.”

“You too,” Cassio nodded at him.

Connor wandered back to Evan and Jared. They stopped talking when he got close, but he pretended he didn’t notice.

“Are you ready?” Evan asked him.

“I am,” Connor nodded.

He forgot how much he hated walking. At least this time Evan had a better understanding of where they were going, and wasn’t practically dragging Connor behind him.

“What did he need to tell you?” Connor wondered.

“Just fighting stuff,” Evan stammered. “And that it would have been smarter to give you the sword.”

“He has a point,” Connor chuckled.

“Could you read this to me?” Evan handed Connor the map as he fumbled with the possibly broken compass Jared had told them to take.

“No,” Connor didn’t take the piece of paper.

“Oh,” Evan mumbled awkwardly.

“I mean, I can’t read,” Connor explained.

“What?” Evan blinked at him.

“There aren’t exactly lessons in the sky,” Connor stated.

“Right, sorry,” Evan said quickly.

“It’s not a big deal,” Connor shrugged, watching Evan glance over the map himself.

“I could teach you if you want,” he told him when the were moving again.

“We don’t have time,” Connor reminded him.

“I meant after, when we're finding you another candle,” Evan explained.

“If you want to.” Connor honestly hadn’t thought much about what it would take to find another candle. Without it he was stuck here, but that didn’t feel as scary as it once had. Part of him wouldn't mind that, part of him wanted that. “Evan, I—”

“Do you heard that?” Evan asked suddenly, whirling around.

“No?” Connor glanced behind him as well but only saw the empty road. “Is something wrong?”

“No,” Evan shook his head, but Connor could tell whatever was bothering him was still there. “I’m probably just being paranoid. What were you saying?”

“Nothing,” Connor murmured. He shouldn’t voice those thoughts anyway.

They walked in silence for a while more. It was a nice day.

Suddenly Evan grabbed hold of Connor’s arm and started running, dragging Connor with him.

“What the hell?” Connor demanded, his feet barely clambering after Evan.

“I’m sorry,” Evan sputtered with no indication of slowing down. “I think we’re being followed.”

“Seriously?” Connor felt fear wedge it’s way into his chest. They hadn’t been on land for longer than an hour.

“I don’t know,” Evan was pale. “I just keep getting this feeling.”

“I trust you,” Connor took Evan’s hand off of his amor and held it in his. “Let’s run.”

Connor let Evan pulled him off the path and through the trees. It took a second for Connor to realize that despite the urgency he really had no idea where he was going. That didn’t slow him down. Evan’s bolting was frantic and even through forcing himself to move, Connor could feel that he was even more afraid that Connor was.

He wanted to reassure him that they would be alright, but he didn’t have the certainty or the breath. Instead he just followed and prayed that they were fast enough. It was only when they were deep into the forest and Connor was certain that they were both near collapsing that Connor allowed himself to slow down.

“I need to breathe,” he told Evan.

“It’s alright,” Evan stopped running. “I think we lost them.”

“And our way,” Connor muttered.

“I’m sorry,” Evan panted. “But I can’t risk it.”

“Do you even know it was anything?” Connor asked, because if there was really danger he’d run until his legs gave out, but if they humored every moment of paranoia they were never going to get there in time.

“No,” Evan admitted. “But what if it was?”

“We’d fight,” Connor told him. Evan had a sword and still carried the pathetic hunting knife. They were armed and prepared for the most part.

“I don’t known if I can protect you,” Evan blurted. So I’m not going to let anyone find us

That hit Connor more than it should have. For the first time, when Evan said something like this it didn’t feel like Connor was deluding himself in thinking that it was just him. Evan wasn’t seeing him as something necessary, he wasn’t looking at him as his last chance. Evan was staring at him with exasperated eyes, and for the first time Connor knew that he saw only him.

And still cared, and it was still as strong as it had been before, and he still ran a mile because there was the slightest chance that something was going to hurt Connor.

And, dear God, Connor was in love with this boy.

“Alright,” Connor’s voice came our hoarse. “Let’s try to get to the next village. We can figure out if we’re behind or ahead of schedule.”

“Yeah,” Evan nodded. “I didn’t mean to scare you.”

“I’m not scared,” Connor wasn’t lying.

“You look uncomfortable,” Evan pointed out.

“I’m not.” Connor was feeling so many things but discomfort was not one of them.

“Right,” Evan nudged his shoulder.

“Shut up,” Connor rolled his eyes.

“I get it if you don't want to talk,” Evan started. “But if you do—”

“I’m fine right now,” Connor told him. “Just don’t like walking. Unless you want to carry me, I don’t think you can fix that.”

“I’d probably drop you,” Evan stated.

“Yeah,” Connor laughed.

As they walked Evan struggled with the map until he was fairly certain that they may be going in the right direction. Connor didn’t say anything. If Evan was able to not collapse into the fear that they were in fact lost, then Connor wouldn’t either.

“Tell me more about your mother,” Connor broke the silence that had elapsed between them.

“Why?” Evan asked.

“I’m gonna meet her soon,” Connor shrugged. “I wanna get a picture in my head.”

“She’s nice,” Evan stated.

“I gathered,” Connor grinned.

“She’s supportive,” Evan said. “Sometimes too supportive.”

“What does that mean?” Connor knew exactly what it meant.

“Just that I’m not really worth all the encouragement,” Evan tried to brush off.

“You jumped into another world to save her,” Connor said plainly.

“I mean before all of this,” Evan told him. “I could barely hold a job. Which I probably lost now that I think about it.”

“You’re mother’s dying, they’ll cut you a break,” Connor hoped.

“They let me have the job in the first place because they were cutting me a break,” Evan laughed without a bit of humor in his voice. “I’m kinda a mess.”

“Because you have anxiety?” Connor asked.

“Yeah,” Evan nodded. “You can tell?”

“Less so now,” Connor wasn’t going to lie to him.

“Maybe it takes the danger for me to be strong,” Evan mused.

“Yeah,” Connor agreed. “I have anger issues.”

“I know,” Evan stated, then froze. “That was supposed to sound—”

“No, you’re right, it’s painfully obvious,” Connor was a little surprised at himself. Normally he would be offended, but maybe it was impossible to get upset at Evan now. “There are a lot of things wrong with me and I don’t understand most of them.”

“A lot of people don’t,” Evan told him thoughtfully.

“I’m not a person,” Connor didn’t know why he was telling Evan this. “I’m supposed to be above people. Oh God, how rich does that sound?”

“I get what you mean,” Evan said softly. “But I don’t think that's a fair expectation.”

“Maybe it isn’t,” Connor sighed. “That doesn’t change anything.”

“I wish I could help you,” Evan told him, and for some reason that wish was enough to clear the anger.

“Thanks,” Connor smiled at him.

“I don’t know what I’m gonna do when this is over,” Evan confessed.

“What do you mean?” Connor asked him.

“I can’t just go back to what life used to be,” Evan expressed.

“Don’t most adventures end with the hero living happily ever after?” Connor teased.

“In a place when no one believes in magic and thinks I’m just an anxious freak?” Evan’s voice was more serious.

Connor wanted to tell Evan he wasn’t a freak, that Connor knew what that looked like and Evan was so much more. But if he did, he knew that his emotions would bleed into his voice, and he couldn’t let that happen. Evan didn’t love him back. He couldn’t, so Connor would keep his mouth shut.

“You could bring your mom back here,” he suggested lightly.

“I'd need money,” Evan pointed out.

“We could find Jared again and be outlaws,” Connor decided.

“You liked it there,” Evan knew.

“I’d like it anywhere,” he tried to shrug off.

“That’s not true,” Evan stated.

“I know,” Connor grinned at him.

* * *

“Something’s wrong,” Evan murmured.

“You’ve said that three times already,” Connor informed him.

Evan knew he was being annoying and repetitive, but he couldn’t shake the feeling that they were being watched. It was stupid. If someone was tailing them, he knew he would have been able to hear their footfalls, and this wasn’t what the darkness that attacked Connor felt like.

“You said we were close," Connor reminded him.

“We are,” Evan resisted his urge to check the map again. “Less than half a mile away.”

“Then calm down, alright?” Connor didn’t sound irritated. Evan wouldn’t have blamed him if he was, but if anything Connor seemed worried. Connor was worried for Evan while Evan was only on edge because he was afraid for Connor. The irony was almost comical.

“Alright,” Evan tried to force a smile.

After that everything happened in flashes.

“Good.” For a solid second Connor was smiling back at him, but the next thing Evan knew his eyes were wide. “Look out.”

Connor shoved Evan into the dirt in a fluid motion. Evan was barely able to catch himself, he was barely able to register what was going on around him. But he could still see the thing Connor had just saved him from.

It wasn’t the darkness, but it wasn’t a person. Evan could only describe the things hovering over Connor as a shadow. All at once, Evan could feel the panic the darkness had inflicted him with. In the back of his mind he knew it wasn’t as strong as that moment, but it still wrapped around him, trying to keep him in place.

It moved toward Connor, but Connor wasn’t defenseless. Evan watched him attempt to punch the dark, transparent haze. When his arm made contact he let out a loud yell.

That pushed Evan onto his feet. It made him draw his sword and force himself between Connor and whatever the thing trying to hurt him was.

The shadow lunged at him, but Evan raised his sword in time. Part of him was afraid it would just go through it, but the blade made contact with something. Evan slashed again, only this time the shadow seemed ready. Somehow, it wrapped around it and ripped the hilt from his hands.

Evan froze. It was going to kill him. He’d had one chance to protect both himself and Connor, and he’d just blown it. He was going to die so close to making it home and fixing everything.

But it didn’t touch him. When the shadow darted forward it seemed to bounce off of Evan. It didn’t make sense, but it gave him a window. As quickly as he could, Evan drew his father’s hunting knife from his belt and plunged it forward into the center of the shadow. He wasn’t sure if he expected this to kill it or if it was even possible to kill something like this. But the shadow dissolved into the air around them taking the panic in Evan’s chest with it.

“It didn’t hit me,” Evan stammered.

“Good,” Connor hissed.

Evan whirled around. Connor was crouched on the dirt clutching the arm that the shadow had pierced. Evan was at his side in less than a second.

“Let me see,” Evan’s voice sounded more like a plea than a demand.

“It’s fine,” Connor started, but Evan pulled his arm to him anyway.

The cut was clean, a perfect red line against Connor’s pale skin. Only Connor’s arm didn’t resemble the soft china that is usually did. Evan could see Connor’s veins. He didn’t know how, but he could see what was now swirling inside of them.

“It poisoned you,” Evan wasn’t sure how he got the words out. “We need to stop it from spreading.”

“I’ll be alright,” Connor shook his head. “I’m a star, my body with kill it.”

“No,” Evan wasn’t sure this worked like that. “Connor, I can see it.”

“I’m fine.” Connor told him before his head rolled back and Evan scrambled forward to catch him.


	13. Chapter Twelve

Evan traded the broken compass as pay for stay in the first inn he could find. The village hadn’t been as far as he feared it would be, but by the time he reached it his arms still ached from carrying Connor. At least he had been wrong about dropping him.

In the back of his mind, Evan knew that he’d only been given the room for such a small price because of how desperate they looked. It didn’t matter. He needed to get Connor to a bed as fast as possible, and he’d accept pity from anyone.

“Connor, can you hear me?” Evan smoothed Connor’s hair off of his forehead.

He could feel the fever. That was good, it meant Connor’s body was fighting off the poison. A woman working at the inn brought Evan clean water and cloth. Evan had never been skilled at medical work, but he’d watched his mother clean wounds and tend fevers on a number of occasions. That being said, there was only so much he could do.

“You’re a star,” Evan whispered, echoing the words Connor had said before passing out. “You can fight this.”

Because Evan needed to believe he would. He needed Connor to be alright. He didn’t want to think about what would happen if he wasn’t.

This was his fault. He should have been ready for the shadow. He’d felt it following them for miles, but that hadn’t helped him do anything. Connor had pushed him out of the way. Connor took the blow that was meant for him.

It should have been Evan in the bed, it should have been Evan with the fever, it should have been Evan struggling to hold on. Because what did it matter if Evan let go? Evan was broken. Evan was a failure. Evan was nothing.

But Connor was everything.

Connor was beautiful, and understanding, and gentle, and brave, and without him Evan wouldn’t have made it.

Deep down, Evan knew that his heart wouldn’t be able to take saying goodbye to Connor when the journey was over. He’d known that since Connor let him dance with him. Hell, maybe he’d known that since the darkness almost took him. But Evan held on to knowing that if Connor went back to the sky it was his decision and at least he’d be happy.

He couldn’t handle this. He couldn’t live in a world that ripped Connor away from him. He couldn’t watch Connor’s light flicker out.

“Connor, please,” Evan whispered. “If you can hear me, please.”

For once Evan wasn’t thinking about saving his mother or finding Zoe or going back to the suffocating life he’d had before.

“You need to hold on,” he begged. “Just a little longer.”

It couldn’t end like this. He wasn’t ready.

“I love you,” he uttered.

This wasn’t how he was supposed to admit it. This wasn’t how he was supposed to face the emotions he’d tried not to focus on. He’d known Connor for less than a week. He wasn’t supposed to tell him. They weren’t supposed to have a chance. He understood that, he was prepared for that.

But he wasn’t prepared to loose Connor. It would kill him. He knew it would.

“Please,” Evan choked out. “I love you. I know it doesn’t make sense, and I know you can’t love me back. I don’t need you to. I just need you to keep fighting.”

He wasn’t sure when he’d started crying.

“I still need your help, but that’s not why I came back for you when you left me and it’s not why I’m trying to protect you.” He wasn’t protecting anyone. If he had been, then they wouldn’t be in this mess. “I am trying, and not because you’re a star, because you’re my friend and you’re the only one who understands me, and when I think about my life without you it’s dark.”

And he was afraid of the darkness. He was so afraid.

“Please hang on,” Evan whispered. “Please.”

He held Connor’s hand in his and begged that the world understood how dark it would be without him.

* * *

Alana didn’t like violence. For most of her life she’d been told to leave fighting to the men, but when she began her training as a king's advisor she'd been caution that it would be safer for her to know how to defend herself. She’d put as much dedication to this as she had to all of her other studies. Still, she had not thought she would need to use the knowledge.

She also hadn’t thought she’d attempt to ambush a pirate ship, but she’d never really been able to predict the situations she wound up in.

Ambush wasn’t really the right word. She didn’t have any backup, so she knew she couldn’t attempt to take the ship by force. However, if she was careful enough she wouldn’t need to. All she really had to do was find the leader of the ship, and question him about the stone. She’d heard about Jared Kleinman before, but doubted that he’d be able to beat her in a fight one on one. She knew herself well enough not to underestimate her own ability.

Unfortunately, it wasn’t she wasn’t the one she ended up underestimating.

Alana made it onto the ship second before it took off, she made it outside the cabin she knew the leader was currently residing in, only to feel a blade at her back as she reached for the doorknob. Her own weapon was in his hand, but she colluded turn around without being run through.

“Give me one reason not to kill you,” the voice behind her was more youthful than she expected it to be.

“I’m not here to steal from you,” she started. “I just need to speak to whoever is in charge here.”

“That’s why you’re armed?” the voice asked dryly.

“Take it then,” Alana let her sword be wrenched from her hand. “Can I turn around?”

“I’m not going to stab you just yet, if that’s what you’re asking,” the voice replied.

Alana turned to face a boy with uneven brown hair and eyes that she doubted were used to being that hard. He had to be at least a year younger than her, if not more. If she had expected to be murdered by pirates (and she most certainly did not) this was not what her killers were supposed to look like.

“Why are you here?” he questioned.

“I’m looking for this.” She pulled a sketch of the stone she’s made before getting on the ship out her her pocket, and held up the drawing for the boy to see.

“Why?” He asked after his eyes scanned the page for a moment.

“So you’ve seen it,” Alana tried to quell any excitement she felt at this. Whether or not this kid knew where the stone was, she still had to get herself out of this situation first.

“Possibly,” he said cooly.

“I need to find the girl who has it,” Alana didn’t have any reason to hide the truth.

“Girl?” he looked confused now.

“Please, I'm not going to hurt her,” Alana started. “I've been asked by her father to look for her.”

“So you decided to ambush our leader?” the boy’s eyes were hard again.

Alana sighed. Despite the clear distrust, she knew she had a decent chance of getting through to this kid. He was young and she wasn’t much older than him (experience and knowledge aside). So she spilled her story and hoped that she could see she wasn’t fabricating anything. In the back of her mind, she laughed at the surprised look on his face when she stated she was actually a girl. It was nice to know that she was still able to fool most if she tried.

“Do you have any other weapons?” he asked when she was done.

“No,” she shook her head.

“Don't make me regret taking you for your word,” he said in a warning tone. “Follow me.”

She walked behind him through the door he’d stopped her from entering moments ago. As she expected, they found the leader of the ship in that room. Jared Kleinman wasn’t really what she’d thought he’d be either. He also was younger, probably her age, and didn’t have the edged she expected from someone with that many crimes on his hands. Alana was told to tell her story again, and couldn’t help feeling a little stunned as she saw her words reach him.

“Yes, we’ve seen it,” he told her. “But it wasn’t with a girl.”

“No,” Alana couldn’t stop herself from stammering. “It has to find her, it’s magic.”

“Magic doesn’t always work,” the younger boy murmured.

“I know that,” Alana wasn’t used to hearing irritation in her own voice. “But this time it was supposed to. Who had it? He could have stolen it.”

“No,” Jared shook his head. “I don’t think he stole it.”

“That doesn’t make sense,” Alana didn’t really mean to say out loud.

“I’m sorry,” he didn’t look like he meant the words, he was just saying it because she looked like she was about to explode. She couldn’t help it. She hadn’t come all this way to face a dead end here.

“No, it’s not,” she shook her head. She forced her thoughts clear. There was always another angle, she wasn’t done yet. “Thank you for helping me. I’m sorry I tried to attack you.”

“You’re not the first to have failed,” Jared smirked. Alana could tell that she wasn’t being let off the hook.

“If you can tell me where the man who had the necklace is headed I will make sure that all charges the kingdom has against your or any of your crew are dropped,” she declared.

She watched the smug look fall off of Jared’s face.

“Shit,” he blinked at her.

“You have the authority to do that?” The other boy questioned.

“Yes,” Alana said firmly.

“What happens when you find them?” Jared asked her. He looked like he wanted to agree, she didn’t see how he couldn’t.

“I’ll ask him how he came across the stone,” she answered.

“That’s all?” the boy gave her a skeptical look.

“Do I look like a killer to you?” She asked back.

“No,” Jared sighed. The eager hope was suddenly gone from his eyes. “That’s the problem.”

“Excuse me?” Alana didn’t know how to react.

“Our loyalties aren’t bought,” he told her. “We’re not telling you where they went, but I guess we can’t exactly kill you either.”

“Because I’m a girl?” She didn’t care if he heard the distaste in her voice.

“That’s one of the reasons,” he admitted.

Alana wasn’t going to retort. She was going to find a better bargain. She was going to convince this man to give her what she wanted, because she was the one with the power here. If he gave her what she needed there wasn’t a limit to what she could give in return.

She was going to say all of this, but suddenly the words were ripped from her. Suddenly everything around her was cold. She knew this feeling.

“What is…” Jared started, Alana could tell from his face that he could feel it too.

Before she could say anything, they were all being knocked off of their feet. The boat was leaning sharply. Alana knew nothing about flying, but even she could tell this was bad. She followed after the two as they rushed onto the deck.

It was empty. Or, at least, there weren’t any other people on board. There was something else. Alana could feel it, and out of the corner of her eye she could see it thickening the air around them.

“Can you feel that?” the boy choked out. He was having trouble breathing. That made sense.

Alana could feel her own heart hammering at too fast of a speed. Her stomach was twisting, and her hands couldn’t stop shaking.

“No, it shouldn’t be following us,” Jared’s voice lost the controlled ease it had moments before. “Shadows can’t last in the air.”

“It’s not a shadow,” Alana voice.

“What?” Jared stared at her.

“I’ve seen it before,” she tried to explain. “A few days ago when I was traveling.”

“What is it?” He questioned.

“I don’t know,” she confessed. Even after passing the land it had taken hold of, she had never figured out what it was. She hadn’t expected to cross it’s path again. “Darkness?”

“Great, that’s very helpful,” Jared muttered.

“What do we do?” the boy turned to Jared.

“I,” Jared’s face was paling. Alana didn’t know how it was affecting him. “I don't know.”

She could feel when it closed in on them. It was like the air around her was trying to crush her. She fought it, but doing so took every ounce of her. The darkness was wrapping around her. Somehow, it knew who she was. It knew what she was fighting for and it knew she wasn’t going to make it. It was telling her she wasn’t going to make it.

It was surrounding her, pouring doubt into her, and—

“It’s not doing anything,” she realized.

It was getting in their heads, but it wasn’t attacking. Why go through the trouble of tormenting them if was it? What did it—

“We’re going to crash,” Alana’s own voiced sounded distant. She could see the sky around them, and she could see that they weren’t going to be in it for much longer. Frantically, she looked to the others, but they didn’t seem to see her. “Hello? I can’t fly this thing one of you has to.”

“Oh god,” Jared winced. He couldn’t hear her. It was in his head too.

"Please, you need to snap out of it,” she screamed at him. “If you don’t everyone here is going to die. You don’t want that, right?”

That seemed to momentarily shatter whatever hold it had. Suddenly he was looking at her and then the sky around them. He saw the danger.

“No, no, I,” he winced again. “Shit. I can’t fly it.”

“What?” Alana gaped at him. The darkness tried to harness that fear.

“Not well, not enough to get us back on—shit we’re going to crash!” He scrambled to his feet. Alana hadn’t noticed him fall to the ground in the first place. Everything was blurring and she couldn’t get it to stop.

“I know,” she stated through the haze.

Alana watched him kneel in front of the other boy. He looked worse than Jared had a second ago. Alana realized that maybe the darkness knew that he could get them out of this and was targeting him. Or maybe they were just stronger. She didn’t understand how this worked, and she hated not understanding.

The darkness liked that. It knew that if she didn’t know what to do she was only going to panic more. She was stuck in the fog.

“Cassio, hey,” Jared leaned down in front of the boy. He put his hands on his face, trying to hold eye contact. It wasn’t working. Alana could see the boy’s eyes, he couldn't hear anything over the voices the darkness was forcing into his head. “Hey, look at me. You need to focus, alright?”

“I can’t breath,” he choked out.

“Yes, you can,” Jared’s voice still wavered, but there was a strength in it.

“No, I—”

“You can do anything, remember?” He said warmly. “Come on, we need to—”

The boat leaned again. They were so close. This wasn’t how Alana was going to end. She hadn’t made it this far to die here.

“If you don’t listen to me we’re all dead!” Jared shouted.

That broke something, it somehow got through to him. Alana watched him nod, and scramble to his feet. They ran to the helm. For a moment, she could feel their desperation over the panic. For a moment, the three of them were connected. Then the darkness grabbed hold of them again.

“It doesn’t want me to,” the boy yelled as he gripped the helm.

“No shit,” Jared remarked.

“I mean it’s trying to stop me,” the boy still managed to steady them. Alana knew it wasn’t going to last, not if the darkness was still in his head. He could only hold out for so long. All of them could only hold out for so long.

“So we fight it,” Alana decided.

“How the fuck do you fight darkness?” Jared demanded.

Alana remembered the time she’d seen this before. She remember the boy who jumped off the horse, and she remembered what she’d seen flood the inn moments later.

“Light,” she answered.

Understanding settled on his face.

“Right,” he stated.

Then he was running and she was following, because she was never going to stand on the sidelines again. He grabbed a leather container from a large barrel. Alana didn’t have to be told what it was. She took another one.

“Ready?” he glanced at her.

“Yes,” she nodded.

“Now.”

They each ripped the containers open. Alana didn’t close her eyes when the lightning sprouted from her arms. It pushed her backwards, but she struggled to keep her foot hold. The light was quick and violent. She watched it shoot into the air. It made contact with something. For a moment both light and darkness held. Then they were both gone and the hold the darkness had on her released.

“I can’t believe that worked,” Jared mused. He sounded exhausted, but his voice wasn’t shaking anymore.

“It’s going to come back,” Alana realized.

“What?” he looked at her.

“It wanted some one the last time,” she knew this. “I was traveling briefly with a boy, but when the darkness came he said that it had his friend.”

“What happened to them?” Jared asked.

“I don’t know,” she confessed. “We were riding. He jumped off a horse and disappeared into an inn that the darkness was around. I tried to stop, but the horses wouldn’t.”

“It killed them?”

“No, I don’t think so,” she shook her head. “There was this light a little bit later, I thought that they killed it, but I think they just escaped.”

“What was his name?” He questioned. “The one you talked to.”

“Evan, I think,” Alana remembered.

“That’s why it’s here,” Jared murmured. His expression had changed from confusion to a pensive concern.

“What?” Alana didn’t understand.

“Evan’s friend has your stone,” the boy who was still gripping the helm told her. “They left us yesterday.”

“It’s all connected,” Alana voiced. That made some sense. There was still so much that she couldn’t follow, but at least now she knew this wasn’t random.

“It didn’t get them, so it’s still trying,” Jared summed up.

“Because of the stone?” Alana didn’t think that anyone (or thing) knew about the stone aside from her.

“No,” Jared shook his head gravely.

“If you tell me what’s going on, I’ll save them,” she started. “You can’t travel on land, but I can.”

“Why would you?” He asked.

“This is the only lead I have,” she told him honestly. “And I want to kill it. I don’t want to live in a kingdom where something like that can pray on people like them.”

“You think you could kill it?” the boy wondered softly.

“You resisted it,” Jared mused. “Better than we did at least.”

“I did,” she stated.

Jared sighed.

“They’re headed to Wall,” he told her. “We’ll take you were we last saw them.”

“Thank you,” she meant this.

“You can take the lightning,” he tossed her another of the leather containers.

“The second I’m back to the palace all of your crimes are pardoned,” she promised.

“They better be,” he grinned.

“But you need to tell me why the darkness wants them,” she added.

“It's not my secret,” he said levelly. “But it’s neither of their faults.”

“Alright,” she nodded. She wasn’t going to push it right now.

“Cassio, turn this thing around,” Jared called to the boy.

“Got it, sir.”


	14. Chapter Thirteen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this chapter is kinda why the story is rated what it's rated...

The sun had gone down by the time Connor’s fever broke. Evan expected to feel like a weight had been lifted from his chest, but instead the dull ache was just as present. When Connor’s eyes blinked open, Evan felt his breath get stuck in his throat.

“Hey,” Connor mumbled.

Evan didn’t understand the smile. He didn’t understand how Connor was shining, how he could possibly feel happy right now. It didn’t matter. Connor was alright. Connor wasn’t going anywhere, and Evan felt the joy sink into him as well.

“Hey,” Evan whispered.

“Are you crying?” Connor’s hand found Evan’s face.

“No, no, I’m fine,” Evan stammered. He knew the tears were still there, but they weren’t out of fear anymore. “How do you feel?”

“Like death,” Connor admitted dryly.

“Yeah,” that made sense.

“But I think it’s going away,” he added. Evan watched Connor pull himself to a sitting position. All things considered, he was recovering faster than normal. In the back of his mind, Evan wondered if the wound really would have killed Connor if he wasn’t a star.

“I’ll get you water,” Evan stood up. “Or I could make tea, or ask the innkeeper for soup.”

“Evan,” Connor caught hold of his arm.

“Yeah?”

“Thank you,” he murmured.

“Don’t thank me,” Evan didn’t will away the guilt lodged in his chest. “You would have been fine if it wasn’t for me.”

“No,” Connor shook his head.

“Connor, it should have stabbed me,” Evan reminded him. “Not you.”

“I should have listened to you when you said you had a bad feeling,” Connor replied.

“That did a lot of good,” Evan muttered. He sunk onto the bed next to Connor.

“I’m fine now,” Connor told him. “And you still stopped it from killing me.”

He was right. Evan knew that. Dwelling on something he couldn’t change wasn’t going to do either of them any good. Connor was here, and Evan wasn’t going to let anything hurt him again.

“For a second I thought,” Evan stopped himself. He wasn’t going to start crying again. This wasn’t about him.

“What?” Connor gave him a concerned look. “That I was gonna die?”

“Yeah,” Evan murmured.

“That would suck,” Connor shrugged. “Considering how close we are to your mom.”

“I didn’t mean it like—”

“It’s alright,” Connor smiled again, but there was a sadness in it. Evan had put that sadness there. “I’m not upset.”

“Connor, I didn’t want to loose you.” That was when his voice caught, and the unwanted tears came. Connor looked surprised, and that hurt. After everything he still didn’t understand that Evan cared about him.

“Well you won’t,” Connor said softly. His hand gently wiped the tears away. “So stop crying about it. You’re stuck with me, Hansen.”

“Good,” Evan smiled back at him. “Are you hungry? You should eat something—”

“Did you mean what you said?” Connor stopped him from standing from the bed.

“What?” Evan felt his heart freeze.

“When I,” Connor’s eyes were fixed on Evan. They were wide, more vulnerable than Evan thought was possible from Connor. “When it seemed like I wasn’t gonna make it. You were talking.”

“You could hear me?” Evan stammered. Connor had been out cold. Sure, Evan had hoped that somehow he could feel him begging for him to stay alive, but he hadn’t thought that Connor could actually distinguish his words.

“I think so,” Connor stated.

“I’m sorry,” Evan said quickly. Because he’d crossed a line, he had to have. It wasn’t fair to Connor for him to say any of that. “I wasn’t supposed to—”

“So you didn’t mean it?” Connor’s voice was numb.

“Of course I did,” Evan blurted. He wouldn't lie about this, not when he’d laid his heart out. “But it’s fine. It doesn’t matter, you’re fine now and—”

In a fast movement Connor grabbed Evan’s face, brushing their lips together. Evan didn’t move. He didn’t know how to close his eyes or relax into Connor. Everything was frozen, but his heart was pounding. He couldn’t react.

But Connor’s lips were soft, and Evan hadn’t seen him glow this bright before. Connor was glowing for him. When he looked back, maybe Connor had always glowed because of _him_ and Evan had just been too blind to realize.

“I love you too,” Connor whispered when he broke the kiss.

Evan didn’t let him get anymore out. His senses had finally caught up to him and he wasn't used to this longing. When his lips found Connor’s it wasn’t as soft as it had been a moment ago. He didn’t want soft. He wanted to feel Connor, he wanted to remind both of them that this was real.

“What about Zoe?” Connor breathed, there was doubt in his eyes. Evan wanted to kiss that away.

“Connor, I don’t actually know her,” he laughed. “She’s just a fairytale. And I think I’m done with living in other people’s fairytales.”

“But you said that the town you come from isn’t accepting and—”

“So we'll leave,” Evan decided. “We can find somewhere here where no one knows who you are and I can get a job and—”

“You know that’s a lot,” Connor was chuckling, but there were tears in his eyes. “I mean, most people kinda date a bit before trying to run away together. Are you sure?”

“I don’t think I’ve ever been sure about anything in my life,” Evan ran the pad on his thumb along Connor’s face.

“That’s,” Connor just shook his head

“But I love you,” Evan met his eyes. “And for a second I thought I was going to have to live without you and—”

“Alright,” Connor whispered, stopping Evan from slipping back into the terror that he’d been in. “We’ll figure it out.”

“Yeah?” Evan murmured.

“Kiss me again?” Connor hummed.

“I can do that,” Evan grinned before pulling Connor to him again.

Evan’s hands moved through Connor’s hair, Connor clutched Evan’s shirt. Evan could taste the desperation from both of them. This wasn’t what this moment was supposed to be. After everything, Evan knew that he was always going to be worried that something would rip Connor away from him. But right now he didn’t want to kiss Connor because he was scared this was all they were ever going to get. He wanted to kiss Connor because he loved him and he believed Connor when he said he loved him back.

“Hey,” Evan’s breath ghosted across Connor’s face. “I’m here.”

“I know,” Connor murmured back.

“I won’t be scared if you won’t,” Evan told him.

“Deal,” Connor nodded once before diving to Evan again.

They fell back onto the bed. Connor’s fists didn’t let go of Evan’s shirt. Connor was warm. Evan wasn’t sure if this was from the light emanating from him, or if this was just how being this close to Connor felt.

Evan broke the kiss. Connor looked up at him with half lidded eyes. Evan’s hand slipped under the hem of Connor’s shirt, his fingers tracing up Connor’s torso. Connor helped him pull the shirt off. For a second, Evan just stared. The room was dark around them—the whole world was dark around them—but when he looked at Connor everything was bright. Connor was beautiful, and alluring, and perfect, and for some reason he wanted Evan.

“You’re being weird,” Connor mumbled before tugging Evan’s shirt off of him as well.

Evan kissed the side of Connor’s jaw. He felt Connor’s arms loop around his neck. Evan wasn’t sure he’d ever felt something this intense, he wasn’t sure if he should call it lust or longing, all he knew was that he wanted this. He wanted Connor.

It was that feeling that made him pull back.

“Is this alright?” Evan asked him.

“Why wouldn’t it be?" Connor raised an eye brown, but he couldn’t muster the dry humor right now. He shined through it. Evan couldn’t tear his eyes away from him.

“Connor, you nearly died a few hours ago,” Evan reminded him softly.

“I know,” Connor pulled Evan back down. He kissed Evan’s neck.

“I’m serious,” Evan gently pulled Connor’s face back.

“I'm fine,” Connor told him. Evan didn’t remind him of all the times he’d said that and not meant it. “But if you want to stop.”

“I didn't say that,” Evan mumbled too quickly.

Connor chuckled, and Evan couldn’t help laughing too.

“I’ll tell you if it’s too much, alright?” Connor hummed.

“Promise?” Evan whispered back.

“Of course,” Connor pecked his lips. “And I kinda trust you a lot, so…”

“Right,” Evan laughed again.

“So can we?” Connor gave him a suggestive look.

“Yeah,” Evan could feel his face burning, and watched a smirk play on Connor’s mouth.

Evan bit Connor’s lower lip, causing a small gasp. He made a mental note to tease Connor about that later. Evan’s lips brushed Connor’s mouth again before traveling down his chest. Connor’s eyes were closed, Evan kissed his stomach. He ran his hands along Connor’s sides, stopping at the hem of his pants.

“Can I?” Evan murmured, his fingers hovering on Connor’s waist.

“You don’t have to ask at this point, Hansen,” Connor muttered, but his voice was fond.

Evan pulled Connor’s pants down.

“You haven’t,” Connor paused.

“No,” Evan shook his head. “I don’t really know what I’m doing.”

“Right,” Connor leaned forward to kiss Evan’s forehead. “That makes two of us.”

Evan nodded. His own pants felt tight. His hands moved to push them off as well, but Connor’s beat him to it. He moved so quickly Evan was a little surprised he didn’t rip the fabric. He could feel Connor’s eyes run over him. He expected to feel embarrassed, but he wasn’t. He liked the weight of the gaze. Not so gently, Evan grabbed hold of Connor’s hair again. It was as soft as he imagined it to be. Holding it in his fingers felt almost like holding air—like holding light.

Connor’s lips were back on Evan’s neck, his teeth grazing Evan’s skin. His hands ran along Evan’s back, traveling down.

“You’re beautiful,” Connor murmured.

“Not as beautiful as you,” Evan whispered back.

Connor’s hands kept moving. Evan let Connor flip them, pushing him onto the bed. Connor’s hands spread his legs. A moan escaped Evan’s lips before he could stop himself. Connor smirked before leaning down to kiss Evan’s neck again. Evan closed his eyes when Connor’s fingers were moving again.

“Are you ready?” Connor asked after a moment, his voice was thick. Evan had no idea, but he nodded.

At first it hurt. It hurt a lot. Evan was pretty sure Connor would have stopped if he hadn’t mumbled for him to keep going. He closed his eyes as Connor moved slowly.

Then the pain was overpowered by something else. He could hear his own voice uttering strings of syllables he hoped Connor wasn’t taking noticed of but was fairly certain he did. Connor was moving faster now, his hold on Evan tightening.

“Look at me,” Connor whispered against Evan’s forehead.

Evan’s eyes flickered open. Through the light he found Connor’s eyes. He held the gaze. He could see everything they’d ever said to each other in Connor’s eyes. It made his heart race and the rest of him melt. Connor pressed their lips together. Evan could feel love and hunger mix, and the only thing he could think was that he didn’t want this to stop.

When Evan’s back arched, he felt Connor reach it with him. He felt like Connor was trying to say something, but he couldn’t hear anything other than fragments and his own breath. It wasn’t what he expected.

No matter how fairytales he read, younger him would had never imagined himself in this bed with this man. He was grateful for that, because this was so much more than waiting for some poor girl in his village to settle for him. This was so much more than dreaming about some princess in a far off place. This was what he never realized he wanted, and he wasn’t sure he would be able to express to Connor how amazing it was.

The feelings wasn’t what he thought it would be either. It was stronger, for a moment it wiped everything else away. It was light. It was him being consumed by Connor’s light.

Evan felt himself collapse. Vaguely he watched Connor pulled the blanket that had been pushed to the foot of the bed over them. Connor laid next to him. Evan could still feel the warmth.

“So?” Connor hummed. His finger traced circles on Evan’s back.

“What?” Evan leaned his head into Connor’s shoulder.

“Does this mean you’re gonna marry me?” Connor asked. “Because I’m pretty sure that usually happens first where you’re from.”

“Connor,” Evan pulled back to meet his eyes.

“I’m messing with you,” Connor smirked.

“Do you want to marry me?” Evan asked him.

“Not tomorrow,” Connor laughed. “But, yeah, at some point.”

“Maybe after you meet my mother and we figure out where we’re running away to?” Evan suggested.

“Yeah,” Connor nodded. “That sounds nice.”

Nice and impossible. They had made in a few hours on land before the shadow found them, and Evan didn’t know what else this world held.

“Is it ever going to be safe?” He asked.

“I don’t know,” Connor whispered. “Come here.”

Connor wrapped his arms around him, pulling him closer. Evan laid his head on Connor’s chest. Right now they didn’t have to worry about everything that wanted to hurt them. For this moment, Evan wasn’t going to think about that. He was going to hold onto Connor and let everything that wasn’t him wash away.

“You know,” Evan started. “I don’t think I can sleep with this much light.”

“Shut up,” Connor muttered.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welp. Needed to cross that off my fanfic writing bucket list.


	15. Chapter Fourteen

Connor was asleep when Evan woke up. The peace of the night before was gone. Evan wanted to stay in bed with his arms around Connor, but he knew that he couldn’t.

They were less than a mile from the Wall. Initially Evan had planned to wake Connor and for them to make the journey together. But Evan didn’t know if they could make it even that far. He knew Connor was still weak, and he’d barely succeeded in fighting off the shadow. If the darkness found them, they were both dead.

But if he didn’t leave the inn now, so was his mother.

Evan’s eyes drifted to the boy sleeping next to him. Connor looked so calm. It broke Evan’s heart that he couldn’t always look like this. Gently, he ran his fingers through Connor’s hair. Even when Connor was unconscious, his hair took to the light. It shined around him when he wasn’t shining for himself.

“That’s it,” Evan uttered.

Moving slowly so as not to wake Connor, Evan retrieved his sword from where he’d leaned it on the night stand. Evan forced his hand steady as he grasped near the end of the blade, he knew he wouldn’t have enough control if he used the hilt. Cutting his hand was a better option than accidentally hurting Connor. Steadily, he sliced off a long lock of Connor’s hair, catching it in his hand.

He didn’t think that this would save his mother, but maybe it would give her enough strength for him to get her to the inn. Then Connor could heal her, they could both rest, and Evan could figure out where to go from there.

He didn’t wake Connor. He knew that if he did Connor would demand coming along and that would defeat everything. Not to mention Evan knew this was the most sleep he’d gotten in days. He’d be back in a few hours, and then he could explain everything. Hopefully, Connor would still be asleep by the time he arrived.

Just incase, Evan left his sword by the bed. He really didn’t think that Connor would get hurt in a room he’d glowed so brightly in before, but it was still more likely that he’d need to defend himself than Evan would.

* * *

Connor sat still in the cold, empty bed. Evan was gone. Evan had left.

This didn’t make sense. Evan wouldn’t do this to him. He wouldn’t just disappear without saying anything.

But his clothes were gone, and the room was empty. The only thing indicating that he was ever here was the sword leaning on the nightstand that he must have forgotten.

But he wasn't gone. He’d just stepped out. Without telling Connor, or leaving any indication that he was coming back. He wouldn’t leave. He wouldn’t just fuck Connor and leave, he wasn’t like that. They’d been through too much for that.

Sure, Evan knew it was dangerous. It was always dangerous, but Evan said that they’d find a way. Because he loved him. He said he loved him. He promised he loved him.

Connor was a fool.

He’d trusted a boy he knew for a few days. He’d believed that despite everything wrong with him Evan could actually love him back. This was his own fucking fault.

Vaguely he noticed that part of his hair was shorter. That wouldn’t be enough to save anyone. Evan was stupid if he thought that would cure his mother. At the most it would buy them a few days. Not that it mattered to Connor.

Nothing mattered.

Connor’s head fell into his hands. This wasn’t supposed to hurt so much. He was supposed to be angry, he was supposed to never want to see Evan again. Instead his mind conjured illusion after illusion of Evan walking through the door and saying he didn’t mean it.

He wanted Evan to hold him again, to kiss him and promise that he wasn’t going to leave him alone. He wanted to believe that he was smart enough not to let some kid he barely knew use him like this. He wanted the pain in his chest to go away.

It wasn’t fair. For one beautiful fucked up moment, Evan had been everything. Connor didn’t want to go back to the real world where no one gave a shit about him.

He wished he’d died when the shadow struck him. He wished he died thinking that Evan at least cared a little for him and accepting that it was alright to love Evan. This was worse than the shadow killing him, it was worse than the darkness killing him. Because for a little bit he’d let himself believe that he’d get a happy fucking ending. But that wasn’t how life worked for him, and he shouldn’t have fallen for a day dream.

Connor pulled himself to his feet. He wasn’t this weak. He wasn’t going to sit alone in the same room he’d given Evan everything and cry. Evan was right, traveling with Connor was dangerous. Right now Connor didn’t give a fuck who he put in danger, he was going to find Evan and he was going to demand—

He didn’t know what he was going to demand, but after everything he deserved more than this.

His shaky hands wiped the tears from his face and picked up Evan’s sword. He could figure out how to get to Wall on his own.

* * *

Zoe Murphy didn’t remember much about what her life had been like before the darkness took her away. When she tried very hard, she could almost recall her mother. Sometimes that image blended with another woman who had once attempted to help her, but if Zoe focused she could discern the two.

She knew that the darkness killed her mother. She knew that it wanted to kill her too at first, but then decided that she wasn’t good enough. So instead she’d been passed off to live a slave to one to the shadows haunting an outlining village.

Her mother wanted her to be smart, she understood that. She spent a lot of her time reading and learning as much as she could about the world around her. The shadow tolerated this, because both of them knew that she would never be able to free herself.

Zoe knew about the chain that bond her. She knew why the shadow disappeared every few days. She knew how to cast simple magic and create potions.

Most importantly. She knew about stars. They had always been her mother’s favorite subject. Zoe couldn’t separate the stories her mother told her from the ones she’s read in books, but that was alright. The shadow didn’t know how much she read about stars. She did her best to keep her fascination with them a secret, because she knew that the shadow and many others wanted to kill the stars that fell to earth.

Zoe just wanted to meet one. She hoped that someday, she could help a star escape from the rotten creatures and people that wanted to hurt it. She knew what it was like to be trapped in a place that you fear, and she hoped that someday someone would free her and she would be able to free others.

When she saw the star walking despondently through the market place she was given permission to frequent, it was impossible for her to not see this as her chance.

He wasn’t shining. He didn’t look like he even knew how to shine, but Zoe knew enough to recognize what he was. She didn’t talk to people. If she tried to reach out to anyone she knew she would be punished, but the shadow wasn’t here right now. Right now she had a window.

She’d given away her last Babylon candle, but she could figure something out. She just needed to get the star off of the public street. There were too many merchants here. Were it not for the air of dejection he was dragging around him Zoe knew that a good handful of the shop owners would have attacked.

It wasn’t safe here. She needed to talk to him, but trying anything while there were still people around them wasn’t safe. So she followed at a long enough distance to go unnoticed.

Honestly, she wasn’t sure if he would have noticed if she was walking directly behind him. Whatever was wrong seemed to be draining the life out of him. Zoe knew that feeling, but she didn’t often see it in another person. The last time she had she’d been six and given away the few items she had left.

It was only when he reached the end of the village and was walking through the trees that Zoe realized where he was going. Then she was running, she was about to cal lout but suddenly the chain around her ankle yanked her backwards. The shadow was coming back. This was bad. In any other situation, she’d let the chain take her away. She knew she could only disobey for so long, and the star was safer the farther it was from the shadow.

But if he kept walking none of that mattered. Zoe took a breath and started running, ignore the pain shooting through her ankle. He was a step away from the opening of the wall when she reached him.

“Stop, you can’t do that,” she shouted, shoving him away from it as hard as she could.

“What the fuck,” he glared at her.

“If you cross that—”

She didn’t get to finish. The shadow usually didn’t find her this quickly, but now it was standing over them. The star scrambled to his feet, unsheathing a sword Zoe hadn’t noticed before.

“Get behind me,” he instructed.

“This is my fault,” she uttered. If she had just minded her own business it wouldn’t have found him.

“I said move,” he pushed her behind him, raising the sword at the shadow.

“No,” Zoe grabbed hold of his arm. “You need to run.”

“What’s that?” His eyes darted from the shadow to the chain that connected her to it. She saw  
recognition in his gaze.

“It's nothing,” she told him. “I’m nothing. Go, now!”

“It’s trapping you here,” his voice was numb.

“It's here to kill you not me!” She screamed at him.

The shadow lunged forward, and Zoe thought that was it. The shadow was going to kill the star, and then her, and everything she’d learned would boil down to nothing. She was just like her mother: helpless.

But at second, the star brought the blade up sharply. Zoe watched it pierce the heart of the shadow. She watched the shadow fade into the air, and felt the chain around her ankle fade with it. She looked back at the star. There was a smug look on his face.

“You’re hurt?” she saw the dark scar on his arm.

“No,” he glanced down at it. “I got that yesterday."

“You just freed me,” she stammered.

“I know who you are,” he stated.

“What?” she stammered.

“Never mind,” he shook his head. “Are you alright?”

“Yeah,” she nodded. “We need to get out of here. I know it’s dead but there might be more on their way.”

“Calm down,” he said quickly.

He was looking at her like he thought she was crazy. This was bad, she needed him to listen to her.

“I have,” he stopped himself. “I know people over the wall, just come with me. You’ll be fine.”

“No!” She shouted. ‘You can’t cross the wall.”

“What?”

“If you cross it, you’ll turn to rock,” she blurted.

She watched confusion turn to shock. He was listening.


	16. Chapter Fifteen

It was early morning. Evan didn’t expect anyone to be awake in his village. It was quiet, peaceful, and so much smaller than it used to feel. His house was exactly as it’d been when he left. It felt like, while everything was different for him, nothing here would ever be capable of change.

“Evan?” his mother sat up when he walked through her bedroom door.

She didn’t look good. He’d hoped that, despite everything, maybe the doctor had been wrong and he’d done all of this for nothing. But one look at his mother reminded him of why it was so important that he get her to Connor as fast as he could.

“I'm sorry,” he sat at the edge of the bed. “I should have been here sooner.”

“I was so worried,” there were tears in her eyes. “What happened?”

“Oh, um,” Evan didn’t know where to start. “A lot of things.”

“Did you find Zoe?” she asked.

“No,” he shook his head. “I tried but—”

“It’s alright, sweetie,” she shushed him. There was a resigned looked on her face. She thought that he was coming home having failed.

“I can still save you,” he told her. “I found someone else. His name is Connor. He’s a star. He can he heal you, he’s at an inn a mile from the Wall, if we leave now—”

“Evan, I can’t travel anywhere right now,” her voice used to hold so much strength, but Evan could hear how weak it was. It hurt to see her like this.

“I know. That’s why I have this.” He pressed the handkerchief he’d wrapped the lock of Connor’s hair in into her hands. “I think if you carry it, it'll give you enough strength to get there. I was gonna bring him here. I planned to this entire time but…”

He shook his head.

“Honey?” There was concern in her eyes.

“Mom, the world is really dangerous,” he exhaled.

“I know,” she said softly.

“There were so many times when I couldn’t protect him,” Evan confessed. “And I didn’t want to take the risk right now.”

“You care a lot about this boy,” she observed.

“Yeah, I,” he wasn’t sure how to say this. “It sounds like a lot, but the past few days have felt like years.”

“Go on,” she said gently.

“I love him,” he stated. “When you get better I’ll find someplace where we can all be safe. I’ll find Zoe too, and the four of us can start a new life somewhere.”

“You’ve grown up a lot,” she mused.

“I know,” he laughed. His eyes traced the room around him. He’d spent his life in this house, but it didn’t feel like he belonged here. “It’s odd. I don’t know if it’s the adventure or just knowing Connor, but I feel different. This whole place just feels small. I can’t remember how it used to scare me.”

“Evan, this is just stardust.” In her hands were the unwrapped handkerchief, but in the center of it, instead of Connor’s glowing hair, there was a pile of ash.

“He can’t cross the Wall,” he felt himself stand.

“Evan,” his mother started.

“I need to go,” he stammered. “I’ll be back, I promise.”

He ran from the house and through the village. Deep down, he knew his legs were not going to be fast enough.

* * *

Connor didn’t walk through the gap in the Wall. Part of him didn’t want to listen to the girl who still had hold of his arm in an attempt to stop him. She was clearly upset, and it was fairly likely that she was just spouting out nonsense. Still, in the back of his mind, Connor knew that she probably was right. If his hunch was correct, this girl had to be smarter than she was letting on. But what then? Did Connor really give a shit about what happened to him at this point? It was either die here or let something else kill him later. He didn’t know where to go or—

“That world doesn’t have magic,” the girl said. “It will kill you.”

It took a second for Connor to realize what this meant.

“How do you know what I am?” He demanded.

“It’s a long story,” she stated.

“I have time,” he replied.

“No,” she shook her head. “You don’t. The shadow wasn’t the one hunting you.”

Trusting her would be stupid. But there was something about her that made Connor want to think he she was telling the truth. Maybe it was just because at the end of the day he was as whimsical as Evan fucking Hansen. He didn’t want to think the girl that Evan had pinned so much of his hope on wasn’t all the his imagination made her out to be.

But there was a chance that this wasn’t Zoe, and if that was true then Connor didn’t know why some part of him wanted to care about her.

“Alright,” he sighed. “We’ll go back to the village then. You can tell me what the fuck is going on there.”

“Yeah,” she relaxed slightly. “Thank you.”

Connor felt the darkness before he saw it. One moment he could breath, the next something was pooling into his chest. Next to him, he heard the girl gasp. She could feel it too. In seconds they were surrounded.

“Fuck,” Connor hated his luck.

“Run,” Zoe instructed.

Connor tried, but his legs wouldn’t. Something was curled around them, he couldn’t move. This wasn’t like the first time the darkness had found him. It wasn’t pretending to be soft or trying to ensnare him. It was stronger. It already had power over him.

“I can’t,” he uttered.

It was pulling him, and he had to follow it. If he tried to fight, it would just kill him faster. And why did he even care if it killed him? He’d died when he woke up alone that morning. He’d died before he even fell from the sky. His life was empty. It didn’t matter if the darkness took it.

“Stop,” Zoe’s voice shattered through his thoughts, forcing the darkness from his mind. “It wants you to go with it but—”

And then it was around her. Connor could see it forcing her words away. It was strangling her.

“Let her go,” he demanded. In a quick motion, he unsheathed the sword.

“You can’t fight it!” Zoe choked out.

The darkness filled his head again. It told him that she was right. It told him no matter how hard he tried to fight he would never win against it. But if he put the sword down and followed it he wouldn’t be hurt. Death didn’t really hurt, not when you were ready for it.

“Don't listen to it,” Zoe whispered.

“You can hear it too?” Connor asked. It wasn’t just in his head. It was everywhere. It filled the space around them. He was no longer a step away from the Wall dividing him and Evan. He was worlds away from Evan Hansen and he always would be.

“Yes, and it’s lying,” Zoe told him.

“What happens if I don't listen to you?” Connor asked the darkness.

He’d still die, but it would hurt. Death would slowly creep around him and around the girl standing next to him. They’d both be suffocated slowly.

“Alright, yeah,” Connor forced his voice to be steady. “I'll go with you.”

“Don’t!” Zoe’s voice was drowned out.

“But you need to let her go,” Connor demanded to the darkness. “I won’t cooperate if you hurt her.”

That was all it let him say before his body was being pulled out of consciousness.

* * *

Alana knew to travel with money. Once she left Jared’s ship she purchased another horse, she’d had to leave hers behind when she snuck onto the ship. It was early morning when she set out, but the distance wasn’t very far at the speed she was going. Her runes told her that the stone was still near Wall, and if she continued at this speed she’d be able to reach it within no time. For the first time in her entire journey, it looked like she was finally getting her way.

It was only when she was nearing the Wall that she realized she had been too slow after all. She hadn’t beaten the darkness. It was one step ahead of her, and there was nothing she could do.

She tried to keep moving, but the air was too thick and the horse wouldn’t go forward. She screamed, her hands gripping the reins in frustration. She had fought through this before. It wasn’t going to make her feel this small.

Only when it was gone for the air, was she able to move forward. She already knew she was too late.

When she reached the entrance of the Wall, she didn’t expect to see the boy she’d been searching for crumpled on the ground with a sword sitting on the grass in front of her. When her horse stopped, he didn’t move. She couldn’t tell if he didn’t notice her, or if he was too numb to the world to care about the possibility of someone attacking him.

“Evan,” she slipped off of the horse.

“I,” he looked up at her. His eyes were red. “I know you.”

“Thank god you’re alive,” she heard the light in her own voice. “For a second I thought—”

“That’s lightning,” Evan was looking at the leather container sitting at her hip.

“Yes,” she stated. “Look, I can explain everything, but I need to talk to your friend.”

“He’s gone,” Evan whispered.

“No,” Alana shook her head. Her runes wouldn’t be guiding her if the person she was following was dead. “That doesn’t—”

“I left him for a second and,” a sob broke Evan’s voice. “God, I’m so stupid!”

“Calm down,” Alana crouched beside him. The last thing she needed was him having a panic attack.

“This is my fault!” His voice was heavy. “All of it is my fault.”

“Hey,” she put a hand on his shoulder. “You need to breath, alright?”

“I,” he stammered. “I’m sorry. My friend is dead. I can’t—”

“No,” she squeezed his shoulder. “He’s not.”

“You don’t,” Evan started.

“My name is Alana Beck,” she told him. “I think I might be the next king of this world, and I need your help.”

Then she was telling Evan the story she’d relayed to Jared the day before. She explained why she was here now, how she knew that his friend had to still be alive, and why she needed to talk to him. Evan listened, and as she went on she could see the panic seeping from his face. He didn’t looked lost anymore, he looked determined.

“Your runes say he’s alive?” Evan questioned.

“Yes,” Alana nodded.

“Can your horse carry two people?” He asked her.

“Yes,” she didn’t let the smile form on her face. They hadn’t won yet.

“Alright,” Evan stood. “We’re gonna find him before—”

He winced. She didn’t know the expression on his face. There were too many emotions she’d never been good at decoding.

“Before he lets it kill him,” Evan’s voice was softer now.

She mounted her horse again, extending a hand to him.

“How do I know I can trust you?” He asked suddenly.

“You don’t,” she admitted. “But I don’t know I can trust you either.”

“That’s fair,” he took her hand.

Before they started moving Alana consulted her runes once more. She needed a direction if they were going to catch up with the darkness. The runes rarely told her exactly where to go, but the second she caught them she understood where that darkness had dragged Evan’s friend.

“You’re not gonna like this,” she told him.

“I just want to find him,” he reminded her.

They rode as fast as possible.


	17. Chapter Sixteen

Connor didn’t know where he was. It felt like the inn the darkness had trapped him in before, but he could recognize that the room was different. It was bigger, and there was something in the walls that seemed to leak danger. Being in here made his skin crawl.

Next to him, the girl who had tried to save his life was crying.

“It wasn’t supposed to take you,” he heard his own voice say.

“This is where my mother died,” she told him numbly. Connor could see more than fear in her eyes. She looked almost accepting. She expected to die here too.

He didn’t know her, and whatever this feeling was he knew it had nothing to do with the story Evan had told him about her. Something else made him feel connected to this girl. He didn’t know why, but he wanted her to be safe.

Suddenly he was angry. He could feel the burning inside of him. It wasn’t light, it was fire.

“When it comes back you need to run,” he told her. It was too late for him, and even if he could get out he had no where to go. “Get back to the Wall, go to the other side and look for Evan Hansen. He'll help you.”

“I know that name,” she whispered.

“I know.” They didn’t have time to talk about this. Connor didn’t have time to think about Evan. He didn’t have time to wonder why it wasn’t rage that filled him when he thought about that boy anymore. He just felt regret. There were things he wanted to say to Evan, things he wanted to hear Evan say to him.

Part of him still knew that one night of believing he had someone was more than he deserved.

“The darkness is going to kill me,” he told Zoe. “I don’t think it can hurt you at the same time.”

“I can’t—”

“Get ready to run,” he instructed.

She nodded. He knew she wasn’t going to, but he’d lie to himself for a little bit and think that he could buy her time. If he was still burning it wouldn’t be able to kill him quickly. It might hurt, but it would give her time.

He wanted to ask her why she tried to save him in the first place. Did she feel the weird connection as well or was she just being the good person Evan believed she was? He wanted some sort of answer he could hold onto as he faced whatever happened after the darkness took him.

But he didn’t get the chance to ask. He felt when the darkness wrapped around him, guiding him across the room. He couldn’t see Zoe anymore. He hoped she couldn’t see him either. She shouldn’t have to watch this.

Connor was pushed onto a cold table, he could feel ropes being wrapped around him, holding him down. It would probably be easier to cut out his heart if he was trapped by something more that the dark. Still, he knew he wouldn’t be able to escape like he had before. That time he hadn’t saved himself. Evan had pulled him out. Connor couldn’t save anything.

He couldn’t feel any light anymore. Even the burning was dulling away. The dark was drowning him. He didn’t know why it still wanted him. His heart was broken and devoid of light. It was worthless.

* * *

“Where are we?” Evan questioned.

They had only stopped on the outskirts of drylands. As they approached, Evan had thought there wasn’t anything beyond the flat ground. Yet, once they reached the edge of the cliff, his eyes found a large mansion. It was still morning, but the closer they got the more the light seemed to drain from around them.

“The outskirts of the kingdom,” Alana answered.

They left the horse a distance from the building. It wouldn’t move any closer, and Evan didn’t blame it. He didn’t want to know what went on in this place. If anyone ever asked him what evil looked like, he would only have to describe that mansion and the air around it.

“I think I see movement,” Alana carefully peered through the windows.

“And shadows?” Evan asked. He could feel the darkness, he couldn’t see anything inside but the darkness.

“I don’t know,” she took a breath. There was uncertainty on her face.

“It’s gonna be a fight,” Evan knew. They couldn’t just walk in and get Connor, and he didn’t have a candle to take them away. Either they killed the darkness or it killed them.

“I know,” Alana said.

“If you can help me get him out of there you can have the stone,” he told her. They hadn’t talked about what would happen once they found Connor, just that they both needed to find him.

“You know I would have helped anyway,” she informed him. There was a nervous smile on her face. She was afraid.

“Yeah,” Evan nodded. “You know how to be a hero.”

“I thought I did,” she sighed. “Alright, I’ll go first, you cover me.”

They stood outside of large, menacing doors. Evan nodded. He drew the sword. He didn’t know what good it would do against the darkness, but it was all he hand to fight.

“Are you using the lighting?” he asked Alana.

“Yes.” Her hand was on the opening. “It should clear us a path.”

“Right,” Evan nodded again.

“Ready?” She looked at him.

“No,” he said honestly.

“Me neither,” she whispered.

Then she pushed the door open and uncapped the lightning. Evan watched it shoot through the dark, clearing a path for them. They just needed to move through it and grab Connor. Then they could let the lightning destroy this place.

Deep down, they both knew it was never going to be that easy.

The lightning did it’s job of vanquishing some of the dark, but it couldn’t kill it all. The rest attacked. It tried to rip the leather jar from Alana’s hands, and nearly pulled Evan’s sword out of his grip. Desperately he slashed at it, but none of his blows made contact.

Through it all he felt the same panic he had before. But it was stronger now. It coiled around him and forced him to the ground. It brought him back to collapsing outside of the Wall. It reminded him that no matter what he did, Connor was already ensnared.

Suddenly something grabbed hold of Evan, pulling him backwards and away from the fight. He turned sharply, raising the sword. He froze when his eyes met the wide ones of a girl about his age.

“Wait, stop,” she hissed. “I’m not—”

The darkness hadn’t just taken Connor.

“There’s a path,” he pointed out where the lightning had still cleared to her. “Run.”

“That's my flower,” her fingers lightly touched the glass flower Evan had kept pinned to his pocket since he first left home.

“What?”

“You’re wearing my flower,” her eyes searched his. “Where did you get that?”

“My mother gave it to me,” he stammered.

“Oh my god,” despite everything she smiled.

“Zoe?” How was she here? This didn’t make any sense.

“You're Heidi’s son,” she realized.

“I am,” Evan told her. “I can’t explain right now.”

The darkness found the corner she’d dragged him to. That was alright, he couldn’t stay still, he needed to help Alana. He tried to move forward, but it pushed at him. It was isolating her. It didn’t see Evan or Zoe as a threat, but right now Alana was powerful. She had a weapon, and if she didn’t hold onto it the darkness was going to drown her.

Evan turned back to Zoe

“You need to get out of here,” he told her.

“No, I need to save him.”

Evan followed her gaze. When he entered, the dankness had shielded Connor from his sight, but now he could see him through the haze. He could see Connor tied to a table. His eyes were closed, he couldn’t see that someone was fighting the darkness. He was as isolated as Alana, but he looked almost alright with that.

It was the same look Evan’s mother had when she was told her time was running out. Connor accepted that he was going to die. Evan didn’t like that.

Evan wanted to shout at Connor. To scream how dark the world was without him, to promise that if he held on Evan was going to get him out of here. He didn’t know how yet, but he was going to. And when this was over he was going to make sure no one he cared about ever looked like that again.

“I’m here for him,” Evan told Zoe.

She nodded, seeming to understand. Evan raised the sword again, pushing through the darkness and back to Alana.

“What happened?” She was out of breath.

“Doesn’t matter,” Evan got out. “We need to get to the other side.”

“Got it,” she lifted the lightning higher.

Evan didn’t see what was curling around her feet until it was too late. He shouted, but his voice was lost. Alana was pulled forward, the lightning was wrenched from her grip.

“Look out,” Zoe grabbed his arm again, pulling him out of the way just in time.

For one second the lightning had filled the entire room. Then it was gone.

“No, no!” Evan couldn’t breathe. “That’s the only thing we have.”

“It’s not,” Zoe murmured.

Evan realized she was looking at the flower pinned to his chest.

“The shadow didn’t kill me,” he remembered. It stooped right before striking him. “You gave her this to protect me.”

“I did,” she looked hopeful. Evan didn’t know how she could feel anything through the darkness.

“Can you get to him?” she asked.

Evan looked at Connor. He was so far, and the dark was all around them. He could barely breathe through it. The darkness had taken down Alana, who Evan knew was stronger than he ever would be. He didn’t have a chance.

“Yes,” he stated.

Because if he didn’t it would kill Connor.

“Here,” he handed the sword to Zoe and looked back at Alana. “Get her out, please.”

“I will,” Zoe told him.

Evan took a step forward. The darkness couldn’t hurt him. It could whisper things, and try to pull him away, but he could fight that. As long as he had the flower, it didn’t have any power over him.

* * *

Alana wanted it out of her head. She wanted to stand up. She wanted to fight. This wasn’t how she was going to die. She was supposed to do so much more. She couldn’t die here. Because that meant everyone who’d told her she was nothing was right.

Then there was a cool hand over hers. Her eyes darted up. Standing above her was the most beautiful girl she’d ever seen.

“I’m on your side,” the girl told her.

“There’s no way out,” Alana heard her hoarse voice say.

“I know,” the girl was looking at the doors. The darkness had blown them shut.

She didn’t look scared, she just looked sad.

She held her hand out, pulling Alana to her feet. She was holding Evan’s sword. They weren’t going to make it out alive, but they could still fight. They were going to die. Alana was going to die a failure and a waste of potential.

“It’s getting in your head,” the girl said softly. “Don’t let it.”

Alana nodded.

“Here, give me your hand.” The girl’s hand was soft, and somehow holding it pushed the darkness out of Alana’s mind for a fraction of a second.

“Do I know you?” she asked the girl, because there was something familiar in that face.

“You shouldn’t,” the girl said.

They both turned to the enemy around them. Alana unsheathed her sword. She didn’t stand a chance without the lightning but if she had to die, it would be with her weapon drawn.

* * *

The darkness hadn’t killed him yet. Connor could feel it baring into his skin, but it wasn’t going any farther. He almost wanted it to kill him. He wanted all of this to be over in a quick instant. Instead he could feel it draining the little light he had out of him.

“Connor!” A voice Connor hadn’t thought he’d hear again shattered through his thoughts.

Connor opened his eyes. Evan was standing over him.

“What are you doing here?” Connor didn’t know what else to say. Evan didn’t answer, instead he scrambled to untie the ropes keeping Connor on the table. Evan’s hands were shaking, but he didn’t look scared.

“Come on,” he grabbed hold if Connor’s arm, pulling him up.

“The entrances are sealed,” Connor could see that from here.

“I don’t care,” Evan told him. “I’m getting you out of here.”

“You’re here,” Connor felt himself smile, despite everything.

“Yeah.” Evan was looking at him like everything that morning hadn’t happened.

Then something changed in the air around them. The darkness didn’t usually feel like this. Instead of fear, instead of doubt and of silent resolve to death, the darkness changed into terror. It found it’s way into Connor’s lungs, trapping his breath.

“Connor?” Evan was just looking at him. It was like he couldn’t feel it. Evan Hansen, the kid who seemed like air was choking him on a normal basis, couldn’t fucking feel it.

“I can’t breath.” Connor stammered.

Something akin to understanding flashed in Evan’s gaze.

“Here,” Evan pushed the glass flower he always had pinned to his shirt into Connor’s hands. Suddenly Connor could breathe again. Suddenly the darkness was out of his head.

“What is this?” Connor questioned.

“It’ll protect you,” Evan’s hands closed over Connor’s, it guided the flower into his shirt pocket. Connor watched Evan wince. The flower made the darkness let go of Connor, but now it had Evan. “I’m sorry. This is all my fault, but you can get out, just run.”

“No—”

“Connor, for once just listen to me,” Evan was trying very hard not to cry.

“Why did you leave?” Connor blurted.

“What?” Evan just looked at him.

“When I woke up you were gone,” Connor could still remember how it felt. “I thought—”

“I left so this wouldn’t happen,” Evan’s hand cupped his cheek. “I love you.”

“Evan,” Connor could hear his voice shaking.

“Now go,” Evan begged. “It’ll let you. It has to.”

Connor wouldn’t abandon Evan. He couldn’t. It would feel like ripping his own heart out. There was no light without Evan, and a star that couldn’t shine was better off dead.

“Light,” Connor murmured out loud. It didn’t do him any good before, but that was before Evan came back for him. It was before he knew that Evan would die for him, before Evan pried the darkness out of his chest.

“Please—”

“Shut up!” Connor took Evan’s face in his hands. “Kiss me and close you eyes.”

“What?” Evan blinked at him.

“I’m a star, remember?” Connor whispered before pressing his lips to Evan’s.

Connor felt the light before he saw it. He could feel it collect inside of him and reach out. It filled the space around them. It dueled the darkness, and Connor didn’t worry for a second who would be the victor. Instead he closed his eyes as well, and let go. His arms wrapped around Evan as he deepened the kiss. This wasn’t burning, this was so much more powerful than burning could ever feel.

When they pulled back, the darkness was gone.

“Is it dead?” Evan asked.

“I don’t know,” Connor answered honestly. “I don’t think so, but—”

“But it can’t hurt you anymore,” Evan smiled at him.

“No,” Connor smiled back. “It can’t.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's interesting to write a fight scene when you antagonist is a non-corporeal entity...


	18. Epilogue

Alana sat in the open field with the king’s stone in her hand.

The four had decided they’d rest for an hour before sending one of them on the horse to the nearest village. Once there they could send a barrage for the others. Evan stressed that he needed to get back to Wall as soon as possible. Alana promised that she would make sure that his mother was offered every treatment possible, while the boy who she had just learned was a star remarked that she wouldn’t need any of it.

The three who sat with her all looked like their adventures were over. Alana didn’t know when her’s would end, but she knew that she needed to be back at the palace with in the next few days. She still wasn’t any closer than she’d been when she left.

“I don’t know why it knocked me out of the sky,” the star, Connor he said his name was, looked at the stone. “I’m sorry.”

“No, don’t be,” Alana shook her head. “Something’s wrong with it, I guess. I’m sorry it took you from your home. If you need a way to get back—”

“I actually don’t,” he told her. A smile crossed his face. “I’m alright here.”

“The king was so certain it would find his child,” Alana sighed. It felt weird to hold the necklace.

“What?” The girl who’d practically saved was suddenly staring at the both of them. Alana was fairly certain that she’d introduced herself as Zoe.

“Never mind,” Alana stood up. “I need to get back.”

“Wait,” Zoe grabbed her arm. “You’re looking for the lost princess, right?”

“Oh my god,” Evan exclaimed. Alana shot him a questioning look, but he was staring at Zoe.

“Yes, but it’s—” Alana froze. “Wait. Everyone in the entire kingdom thinks she's dead how do you know—”

“Zoe,” Connor spoke now. “You said your mother died there, right?”

He gestured to the mansion they’d walked a distance away from.

“Yes,” she stammered.

“When you were how old?” he questioned.

“I was very young,” she answered in a smaller voice. “I couldn’t have been old than five, but—”

“The darkness killed her?” he asked.

“Do we have to talk about this?” her voice wavered on upset.

“Yes,” there was a look in his eyes that Alana didn’t understand. “Because the darkness only tried to bring me here, because of what I am.”

Alana watched what he was saying click in Zoe’s mind.

“No,” she shook her head. “No, she wasn’t—”

“But you could tell I was a star,” Connor started.

“I read a lot about stars,” she scrambled to justify.

“How could you tell?” He asked point blank.

“The way you looked,” she shook her head. “I don’t know, I guess I just…”

“You just knew,” he finished softly.

“What is going on?” Alana asked the both of them. She didn’t like being talked over, especially when she knew that the conversation had originally pertain to her.

“Zoe’s the girl you’ve been hunting for,” Evan informed her.

“No,” Alana murmured. That didn’t make sense. “The necklace was supposed to find the king’s child.”

“Did the king tell you it was going to find his kid or his wife’s?” Connor asked her.

“It’s the same thing,” Alana sputtered.

“Unless she had another child,” Connor said.

“Before she fell out of the dark corner of the sky,” Evan finished.

“You’re my brother?” Zoe was looking at Connor.

“I don’t trust people, but for some reason I trusted you,” he stated.

“Oh my god,” a grin broke across Zoe’s face.

“The queen was a star.” Alana understood now.

* * *

The kingdom was succeeded not by one ruler, but by two. While Alana accepted that the deceased king had wanted his daughter to take the throne, Zoe rejected ruling alone. There was a lot about the world she didn’t know, and she knew that Alana was more suited for the job than she was. So they made a deal that they would act together.

As Zoe’s brother, Connor was offered a place in the palace. At first he refused, wanting to stay with Evan, but Alana made it clear that Evan was as welcome as he was. In fact, after hearing their story, she expressed that she wanted someone without formal training as an advisor. She thought that both Evan and Connor would bring a view point that she wouldn’t get from people who had been born and raised in this world and high class.

After being healed from the illness, Heidi was just as eager to leave their village as Evan was. The promise of a life of luxury had helped convince her a bit. Zoe, who had no family aside from Connor and Heidi was overjoyed.

True to her word, Alana pardoned Jared and his crew of all crimes they had (or hadn’t) committed. Knowing that they weren’t going to give up their lives on the stolen ship, she offered them the job of continuing to harvest lightning that could be used as weapons against shadows. Zoe was the most adamant on ending the hold that they had on smaller, less populated towns.

“It feels the same,” Cassio informed Connor.

About two months had passed since Connor had driven the darkness away. While journeying on land, Jared and the others made a habit of stopping by the castle for supplies. Connor was fairly certain that this was only because Jared liked the royal food. He wouldn’t admit it out loud, but he did enjoy their company on these occasions.

“You mean he’s keeping his act up?” Connor asked.

“A bit,” Cassio shrugged. “It’ll take a while for him to fully realize he doesn’t need it.”

“And you’re not going to say anything?” Connor raised an eyebrow.

“I don’t know,” Cassio stated.

“You should,” Connor had no problem giving his opinion.

“You seem happy,” Cassio commented. Connor knew this was mainly because he wanted to change the subject. “With Evan, I mean.”

“It’s annoyingly domestic,” Connor remarked fondly.

“I’m starting to think annoyed and content go hand in hand with you,” Cassio replied.

“Shut up,” Connor rolled his eyes.

“Are you gonna tie a knot or…?”

“Not yet,” Connor wasn’t sure how to talk about this. “Someday probably, he needs time to get used to who he is now. People aren’t allowed to give a shit for living together and not being married—”

* * *

“And I’m still new to all of this,” Evan sputtered in the castle library, no idea Connor was also deflecting the same question. “And I don’t know if he would expect me to ask or—”

“Jesus Christ, stop hyperventilating,” Jared laughed.

“I’m not hyperventilating!” Evan stammered.

“Sure,” Jared rolled his eyes.

“I will leave this room,” Evan warned.

“Come on, you know I can’t fine stuff here,” Jared’s eyes scanned the large shelves. “Anyway, we gotta head west, and my map for that area is kinda shit.”

“Oh, right, that should be over here,” Evan lead him to a different section. “Hunting?”

“Yeah,” Jared grinned.

“Just you and Cassio?” Evan knew that only the two of them had arrived at the palace that morning.

“More people attracts unwanted attention,” Jared explained. “Tips them off, you know.”

“Right,” Evan nodded.

“What?” Jared gave him a questioning look.

“No,” Evan stammered. “It’s good, that you guys are—never mind.”

“Wow, you’re jittery today,” Jared shook his head.

“I’m always jittery,” Evan muttered. His fingers found the map he’d been looking for. “Here.”

“Thanks,” Jared slid it into his shirt pocket. “So, have our esteemed king and queen dropped the whole ‘we’re not actually in love’ shit?”

Alana and Zoe had taken those titles when they took the throne. Since everyone agreed it would be easier for the kingdom to view them as a royal couple, they had gotten married. If one looked at the situation for a far, it would seem like that was all the relationship was. Evan had been around the both of them constantly for the past two months, and it hadn’t taken him long to realize that Alana had pretty much fallen for Zoe the second she saw her. Connor assured Evan it wasn’t much different on Zoe’s side.

“Zoe talks to Connor about it,” Evan stated. “They’re taking things slow.”

“They’re married,” Jared said flatly.

“For political purposes,” Evan reminded him.

“Whatever,” Jared made a big show of rolling his eyes.

“They like each other a lot,” Evan added thoughtfully. “I can see when they’re talking, or when they’re looking at each other. Alana doesn’t like to talk about emotions, but—I don’t know, it’s kinda like they’re meant to be.”

“That’s so sappy,” Jared informed him.

“What’s wrong with sappy?” Evan asked in his defense. “What town are you headed to anyway?”

“Can’t say out loud,” Jared smirked.

“Jared,” Evan gave him a knowing look. “I'm pretty much your boss, and you’re standing in the most secure location in the kingdom.”

“Oh, I mean, I don’t actually know,” Jared corrected.

“What?” Evan blinked at him.

“Figured I’d let him take the reins on this one,” Jared shrugged. “The kid needs a chance to lead something for once, I’m just coming to make sure he doesn’t get hurt if something goes wrong.”

“Oh,” Evan didn’t realize Jared was capable of recognizing learning experiences. “That’s nice.”

“I guess,” Jared shrugged. “We should be leaving soon.”

“I’ll see you after you kill it,” Evan told him.

“That you will,” Jared turned to go.

“Jared?” Evan called him back.

“What?”

“You should, um…” How did he go about saying this? “What is Cassio to you?”

“You know what he is,” Jared gave Evan an odd look. “He’s pretty much my right hand guy.”

“Yeah, I know, but,” Evan sighed. “Don’t read into this, but, you wouldn’t, you don’t—”

“Spit it out,” Jared looked more confused than irritated.

“Would you think of him in a romantic way at all?” Evan asked before he could stop himself.

“What?”

“Never mind forget I asked,” Evan stammered. “Don't tell him I—”

“I mean, yeah,” Jared’s words were a surprise.

“What?” Evan blinked at him.

“Have you seen him?” Jared smirked. “He’s fucking adorable, right?”

“I’m really not the best judge,” Evan wasn’t sure if Jared actually wanted an answer.

“And I’m pretty sure he’d be really good in bed,” Jared smirked.

“Jared,” Evan did not need to hear this.

“I mean, with those—”

“So, you’ve thought about this before?” Evan asked quickly. “Not the sex stuff, I mean, just being with him in general.”

“Not a lot,” Jared shrugged. “I don’t think he’d be into me. He knows too many of my issues.”

“Maybe you should talk to him?” Evan suggested.

“Or just jump his bones,” Connor said loudly as he walked into the room. “The resigned pining is getting old.”

“Connor,” Evan hissed, but Connor just winked at him.

“Wait, what?” Jared’s gaze flickered back and forth between the two of them.

“He’s waiting with your horses, by the way,” Connor said to Jared. “Something about, really needing to start moving now.”

“Right,” Jared took a step toward the exit. “But you don’t mean that he—”

“Have a safe trip,” Connor cut him off, grin plastered across his face.

“I always do,” Jared informed him.

* * *

“God, I’m tired,” Connor sighed, collapsing onto his and Evan’s bed.

“It’s weird,” Evan said as he laid down next to him.

“What is?” Connor hummed.

“You sleeping at night,” Evan explained.

“Yeah,” Connor shrugged. He’d gotten used to it for the most part. “But I’m not gonna make you sleep during the day, and I wouldn’t want to without you.”

“You’re sweet,” Evan smiled at him.

“You’re gorgeous,” Connor replied before his closed the gap between them.

“Hey, Connor?” Evan’s voice was soft when he broke the kiss.

“Yeah?” Connor looked at him.

“You know how after that night at the inn you asked me if I was gonna marry you because we had just…”

“Had sex?” Connor offered.

“Yeah,” Evan mumbled.

“You can say it, you know,” Connor teased. “It's not like that was the only time.”

“Yeah,” Evan’s face reddened slightly. Connor loved how easy it was to make Evan blush like that. He brushed his lips on Evan’s cheek.

“What about what I said?” Connor asked.

“Do you want to?” Evan was looking at him with nervous eyes.

“Seriously?” Connor hadn't expected this. He thought that Evan was scared or just didn’t want to think about what declaring that commitment meant.

“Sure,” Evan grinned. “Why not?”

“I don’t want to rush,” Connor started.

“You were knocked out of the sky, we confessed after knowing each other less than a week,” Evan laughed. “Connor, we’re fast paced, but who cares? We both know life is short.”

“Is it because life is short?” Connor needed to ask.

“It’s because I love you,” Evan took Connor’s hands in his. “And I want everyone I ever meet to see it. If you want to, I mean. If you need more time or—”

Connor cut him off with a kiss. It was chaste, but he knew Evan could feel everything that was behind it.

“Yes,” he whispered.

“Alright,” Evan smiled. “I don’t have a ring, I’ll get one tomorrow.”

“I have something more valuable,” Connor informed him.

“What?”

“This,” Connor placed Evan’s hand over his heart. “Because it’s yours for forever.”

Evan’s lips found his again. Connor could feel the light pouring out around them. That was alright, neither of them liked to sleep in the dark anyway.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, there ya go. Huge thank you to everyone reading, commenting, and leaving kudos on this! I'd been wanting to try out fantasy (and, um, smut I guess) for a while now, and this was a fun way to dabble in that.


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